


A Quiet Mountain Town

by sonofthanatos



Series: Percy Jackson and the South Park Kids [1]
Category: Percy Jackson and the Olympians & Related Fandoms - All Media Types, South Park
Genre: Canon-Typical Violence, Crime Fighting, Humor, Kidnapping, M/M, Magic, Play Fighting, Swearing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-16
Updated: 2020-04-20
Packaged: 2020-12-17 07:23:46
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 12
Words: 33,476
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21050537
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sonofthanatos/pseuds/sonofthanatos
Summary: Percy, Jason and Nico get assigned to find a demigod hidden in the small town of South Park, but they get much more than they bargained for.The Percy Jackson/South Park mashup that absolutely nobody wanted besides me.





	1. Welcome to South Park

**Author's Note:**

> If you haven't seen very much South Park, this is actually how Mr. Kim talks in the show and games.

The rental car pulled into the Hilton parking lot. Three boys climbed out as the trunk popped open, and they began pulling their bags out.  
  
Nico stepped through the snow in annoyance. "It's only September, why is there snow already? My stepmother doesn't come down to the Underworld for another month." At 14 years old, the son of Hades was the smallest of them all, with shaggy black hair and black clothing already speckled with snow, while his skin was so pale he almost blended in with the ground.  
  
"Demeter is probably getting depressed thinking about it." Jason suggested. "Persephone probably started packing for her trip and got her started." At 16, the son of Jupiter was like a blond superman, tall with clear blue eyes and glasses that he was already trying to clean with his shirt.  
  
Percy began handing out their bags and shut the trunk. At 17 he was the same height as Jason, with dark messy hair and stormy green eyes. "Somebody should tell her to get over it. Let's check in and see if we can figure out what's going on."  
  
They approached the checkin desk. "We have a reservation under the name Di Angelo." Nico handed over the credit card Hades had given him. Ordinarily there would be no way for them to check into a hotel by themselves, but the Mist that hid magic from mortals did its job nicely and the clerk assumed they were college students. 10 minutes later, they were in their hotel room.  
  
"Who's sleeping where?" Percy asked, studying the two beds and the pullout couch. He had no objection to sharing a bed, but they may as well get that sorted out right away.  
  
"We'll alternate. Each of us takes the pullout bed one night. I'll take it tonight." Jason offered. Nico offered him a grateful smile as he put his bag on one of the beds. Percy claimed the other.  
  
They showered and cleaned up, then brought a lamp into the bathroom and activated the shower. Angling the light carefully, they were able to create a rainbow and make an Iris call.  
  
"Chiron, we're here."  
  
"Good. We've been doing more research, but it's hard. Something in that town is REALLY blocking out our usual tracking methods, so aside from knowing a demigod is there we're not getting much. The satyrs don't want to go near it; it's something bad."  
  
"Is that because of the demigod or because of a monster?" Percy asked carefully.  
  
"We're not sure. We'll keep trying. We looked online and through the website of the local paper, and there's talk of some kid superhero running around in a cape calling himself Mysterion. That must be our demigod. Try to make contact with him and let us know what happens."  
  
"Will do." Jason agreed. "We're going to look around for a while now, get a sense of the town; if this kid is playing superhero we'll probably find him in an alley or something."  
  
"Good idea. Just be careful."  
  
"We will be." Nico said, leaning forward. "I'll keep an eye on Underworld activity too, just in case."  
  
They ended the call and headed down to the car. "All right. Let's go check out South Park!"  
  
  
  
The town itself was unremarkable. From a distance Percy could have sworn it was a single street, but as they got closer it was a reasonable size; he wondered idly if it was an effect of the Mist.  
  
"What do we know about this kid?" He asked, thinking back to their briefing before they left.  
  
"Not much. The Mist is unusually active in this area, and Chiron said there are stories about a vigilante running around in a cape." Jason considered carefully. "We can check the back alleys later, right now we should just get a general layout of the town." He pulled into a parking spot. "City Wok...I wouldn't mind having some Chinese food. Are you guys hungry?"  
  
"Sure, sounds good."  
  
"I might just have a drink or something." Nico commented as he climbed out of the car. "I'm not really in the mood for a big meal."  
  
"You're eating." Jason looked at him firmly as he locked the car; he had strict instructions from Will to keep Nico safe and fed. "Unless you want me to tell your boyfriend you're starving yourself again."  
  
"WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU JUST SAY?!!"  
  
All three boys looked in shock as a man stormed towards them. He had blonde hair and a beard and wore mirrored sunglasses; a tired-looking blonde woman followed behind him with 5 crying babies in two strollers; they were wearing mirrored sunglasses too for reasons passing understanding. She struggled to maneuver with them, but when the man tried to take one of the strollers she glared and pulled away. He looked uncertainly at her, then resumed his tirade as though he hadn't stopped. He didn't even acknowledge the fact that the babies were bawling hysterically. She struggled with them as one threw up on her.  
  
"YOU ARE BEING HOMOPHOBIC AND BODYSHAMING!!! THE USE OF MICROAGRESSIONS LIKE THAT HAVE NO PLACE IN A PROGRESSIVE, PC PLACE LIKE SOUTH PARK! HOW DARE YOU INSULT THIS YOUNG PERSON?!!!"  
  
They stared in shock. "I was actually..."  
  
"NO! YOU DON'T GET TO THROW YOUR MICROAGRESSIONS AROUND IN THIS TOWN!!"  
  
"They're not!" Nico finally spoke up angrily, glaring at the man. "I'm gay, I have a boyfriend, and he worries about me because I don't eat much!" For some reason as soon as he said that the babies calmed down again; looking relieved the woman wiped down her clothes.  
  
"Oh." The man studied him for a moment, then nodded. "Good. I'm PC Principal, I'm the principal at the local elementary school. This is our Vice-Principal, Strong Woman. We actually have a gay couple there, Tweek and Craig. We encourage people of all races, ethnicities, sexualities, genders, preferences and biologies in this town."  
  
"O...k..." Jason didn't seem to know what to say.  
  
The woman stood next to the man...those couldn't possibly be their real names, could they? "We're very happy to have you in this town, young people. May I ask what pronouns you each prefer to use?"  
  
Percy stared in confusion. "Umm...we're guys." God he wished Annabeth was here to explain to them what was going on.  
  
"All three of you?" The man looked for confirmation. Seriously, what were these people ON?  
  
"Of course." Nico glared at the man.  
  
"We don't assume anybody's gender here. We support all gender identities equally." The woman said calmly.  
  
"Equally!" PC Principal announced emphatically. The woman looked at him as the babies started crying again.  
  
"Did I not say it properly?"  
  
"You did. I was speaking for emphasis!"  
  
"I wasn't emphatic enough for you then?" She demanded angrily. "I am a strong woman! I don't need you repeating everything I say, my words speak for themselves!"  
  
The boys looked at each other in total disbelief, trying to make sense of it. As the two adults argued loudly and the babies cried even harder, they slowly stepped away from them. Jason took the opportunity to herd the other two away quickly towards the restaurant. Nico looked back curiously before they went inside. Percy was shaking with the effort to keep from laughing, but he finally calmed down as they reached the entrance.  
  
"Do you think those were their real names?"  
  
"I hope not." Percy shook his head. "I can't imagine having to go through life with a name like that."  
  
"Yes, that would be awful, wouldn't it, Perseus?" Nico's eyes sparkled mischieviously. Percy grabbed at him but he quickly darted out of reach and inside. Chuckling, Jason followed close behind them.  
  
The moment they entered, an Asian man rushed towards them. "Welcome to Shitty Wok. Take your order, please?"  
  
All three boys stared. The man looked at them expectantly.  
  
Jason recovered first. "I'm sorry, what was that?"  
  
"Welcome to Shitty Wok. Take your order?" The man looked sourly at them.  
  
Ok, they hadn't misheard. Percy's eyes sparkled with amusement. "What sort of specials do you have?"  
  
"All kinds! Shitty beef, shitty shrimp, shitty noodles, you order, I have!" Percy was shaking with silent laughter again.  
  
After ordering and sitting down, they began planning out their next move. The food was surprisingly good; Jason was relieved to see that Nico was actually eating properly.  
  
"Ok, so we should keep looking around town after this." Jason carefully laid out a plan. "Make a note of anywhere that looks like it might be dangerous; this kid will probably go there at night."  
  
"Sounds good." Percy drummed his hands as he considered. "Nico, do you sense anything underworld here?"  
  
"I sense...something." Nico looked more annoyed than usual. "There's something very dark here, very powerful. I can't put my finger on it, but it's not from the underworld."  
  
"A monster?" Suggested Jason. "It could be a titan or something, a few of them escaped after the last war."  
  
"It would be a good place to hide," Nico mused. "I ran away to places like this when I wanted to keep away from everybody."  
  
Jason pulled a map out. "I got this from the hotel. We should try-"  
  
"Oh no!" The boys all looked up in surprise as the man at the counter raced over. "No meeting place. If you done you leave restaurant now! More customers waiting!"  
  
The boys all stood up in annoyance. Throwing money down, they left the restaurant.


	2. Freedom Pals and the case of the Invisible Sword

"I'm here!" A blond head rushed out of the coffee shop eagerly, a headband around his forehead and a piece of paper taped to his chest, proudly displaying "WT" in red crayon that neatly matched the red "S" on Super Craig's jacket.   
  
They all swarmed around the boy excitedly. Super Craig hurried forward, taking his hand. "Hey honey, ready to go?"  
  
"Ready and waiting! Wonder Tweek is bringing down the lightning!"   
  
"Good." Craig noticed with pleasure that Tweek wasn't twitching badly today and he was smiling freely; he had obviously had a decent day at work. "We can show off our new ultiii..." Craig faltered as he saw three guys coming towards them, a map in one of their hands.  
  
Two were tall; one had short blond hair and glasses, with blue eyes that radiated competence and leadership. The other had shaggy black hair, and his green eyes screamed "However bad you think you are, I'm worse." The third was smaller, with black hair and black clothes, and dark eyes, yet despite his size Craig got the sense he was the most dangerous. What made it worse was that unlike the other two, the smaller guy had a large black sword hanging from his waist. The thing was huge and black, and actually seemed to be almost glowing purple. He got chills looking at it, not that he'd ever admit it. Craig felt shivers run through him at the sight and tore his eyes away, focusing on their faces.   
  
"Hey kids." The blond guy spoke softly. Craig eyed him uncertainly.   
  
"Hey newcomers! I'm Mosquito!" Mosquito rushed forward eagerly. Craig tried to grab him but Clyde, always driven by the possibility of new friends, raced past without slowing down. He noted sourly that things like this were why he got kidnapped by priests at his last birthday. "This is Super Craig-"  
  
"SUPER CRAIG!" He punched the air; in spite of his own uncertainty he wouldn't back down. This was THEIR spot; who did these guys think they were? They had finally managed to liberate Tweek from the coffee shop, he wasn't backing down now.   
  
"-Wonder Tweek-" Mosquito gestured at the twitching blond.   
  
"Bringing down the lightning!" Wonder Tweek shrieked excitedly, holding his hands in the air.  
  
"-Tupperware-"  
  
"Tupperware Mark 3 ready for action!" Token looked the most ridiculous in his large tupperware containers; the robot thing suited him as he couldn't really run in the suit and had to waddle around everywhere. Craig had always wondered if Mrs. Black knew where all her tupperware containers had gone.   
  
"-and Fastpass."   
  
"If you c-c-c-an't see me, don't worry. I'm not invis-in-invi-I'm not invi-i-sible, my atoms are just too f-f-fast for the human eye!" Jimmy grinned at them, leaning on his crutches. Craig's eyes narrowed as he studied the strangers, ready to throw down if they even considered mentioning Jimmy's cerebral palsy or laughing. To their credit, they didn't smile, but Craig was ready to flip them off in an instant.   
  
As Mosquito concluded the introductions, Craig made a mental note to talk to Dr. Timothy about the idea of a group superhero pose for situations like this.  
  
"How can we help, civilians? Is there villainy afoot?" Mosquito struck a pose.  
  
That broke them; unlike the introductions, the guys looked like they were trying not to laugh at him. Craig glared at them. "Fuck you guys then. Go play in traffic." He flipped them off.  
  
The green eyed boy stopped smirking and stared in surprise. "Sorry, little man." The blond guy said softly, like he was trying to sooth a child (which they were since they were all 10, but that was besides the point).  
  
Rage flooded through Craig. LITTLE MAN?!! Who did this patronizing SOB think he was? "Sorry doesn't cut it. Who are you, what are you doing in our town, and why does THAT guy-" Craig pointed at the smallest guy, "-have that gigantic black sword?" He watched them angrily; he just knew something was happening. He HATED when thing happened; why couldn't people just leave their little mountain town alone?  
  
All three boys stared at him in surprise. So did his friends.  
  
"What sword?" Mosquito asked.  
  
"That sword. That big black sword hanging from his waist." Craig pointed in annoyance.  
  
His friends stared. "Dude...there's no sword." Clyde studied him curiously, then pulled off his mosquito nose. "You seeing things, Craig?"   
  
"Are you high? It's right here!" Storming up to the guy, Craig angrily pointed, putting his hand within a few inches of the blade; he didn't quite dare touch it though. How could they miss it? The guy drew back, studying Craig like he would a lab rat. The other two exchanged looks. Condescending losers.  
  
Craig looked back, but his friends were staring at him worriedly. Even Token looked nervous inside his tupperware suit, and that stopped Craig more than anything; Token was levelheaded, rational, and the first one Craig always went to for advice. The fact that he didn't acknowledge it shocked Craig. He looked back at the sword, then at Token. Clearly something far weirder than he thought was going on. With an annoyed sigh, Craig headed back to his friends, walking backwards just to keep an eye on the armed boy, then stationed himself by Tweek; not obviously protecting him, but where he could easily step in front of him if needed. "Never mind. What do you want?"  
  
The guys studied him, making him feel like a specimen in a petri dish. "Just looking for superheroes." The green eyed boy said with a smile; Craig's friends lit up, but he frowned. These guys were up to something, he could feel it. "My name is Percy, this is Jason, and this guy is Nico." Jason smiled warmly at them, while Nico simply glowered. "So what are your powers?"  
  
"Fastpass is the fastest man alive, Mosquito commands the insects, Tupperware is a cyborg, Super Craig is strong and Wonder Tweek controls the weather." Craig said flatly. His friends all looked at him curiously, but he ignored them; there was no WAY he was letting them be friends with these people. His eyes flew to the sword again.  
  
"Super Craig isn't much of a people person." Mosquito fastened his nose back in place. "Wonder Tweek's greatest power is turning him into a nice person." Wonder Tweek smiled happily and took Super Craig's arm.  
  
Craig met Jason's eyes coldly, then, deciding they didn't pose an immediate threat, he pointedly turned his back on them. He made sure to stay between them and everybody else though. "So Wonder Tweek and I have a new special move we want to try out. Want to practice fight and see it?"  
  
"Sure!" Mosquito took his position eagerly with Tupperware and Fastpass. The strangers watched curiously as they practiced fighting and falling all over each other until they were ready.  
  
"WONDER TWEEK!" Tweek shrieked excitedly. Token shivered as he was frozen. Mosquito rushed forward at Craig.  
  
"I'm ready to suck ass and kick blood! Wait..." Mosquito looked confused as he passed Super Craig. He threw down a ketchup packet. "Don't burst this, I'll save it for a real fight!"  
  
"Tupperware Turret online!" Tupperware shouted, putting down a piece of tupperware to indicate where the turret was.  
  
"Who wants to see some beautiful boys ultimate action?!" Wonder Tweek shrieked eagerly as the moment approached. Super Craig moved to the middle of the battle and held both his middle fingers high, while Wonder Tweek leapt behind him and hugged him tightly. "Niji wo namero, ketsumanko!" Wonder Tweek shouted.  
  
"That means 'taste the rainbow, assholes!'" Craig called out. "Then multicolored lightning explodes around the battle and hits everybody, doing big damage and shock to our enemies and shielding our allies."  
  
"That was awesome!" Mosquito pulled himself up. "I like it!"  
  
"Pretty good. We'll run it by Dr. Timothy this afternoon." Tupperware agreed.  
  
Craig looked back uncertainly at the three guys; they didn't seem to be paying attention anymore and were looking at the map again. Still, he wanted to get away from them. "Let's just head to the playground now."  
  
"Good idea." Fastpass pulled out his phone. "Looks like T-t-t-oolshed and Human K-kite are already there with Dr. Timothy and Mysterion." Craig couldn't help but notice that the boys heads snapped up at that comment. Were they after Dr. Timothy for some reason? Or Mysterion?  
  
They headed towards the playground. Craig felt really uneasy that the guys seemed to be following them, and positioned himself next to Tweek.


	3. First Impressions Matter

As they walked, Tweek instinctively held hands with Craig, drawing strength from the stoic boy's presence. Craig seemed lost in thought today and kept glancing back; Tweek realized that the three boys were following them. Were they kidnappers? What was their evil plan? Were they in league with the underpants gnomes or Al Gore or the Catholic priests who had kidnapped Clyde on his last birthday? Oh God, this was too much pressure!  
  
He looked uneasily at the smaller guy, trying to see this sword Craig had gone on about. He looked back at Craig and leaned in.  
  
"Did you really see a sword?" He asked softly. Craig looked at him uncertainly.  
  
"You guys really can't see it, can you?" Tweek shook his head. Craig looked back again, then shifted. "Stay close to me."  
  
Tweek wasn't sure how he felt about that. On the one hand it always thrilled him how protective Craig was; he always felt safe around him. On the other hand, it was kind of annoying; he was capable of looking after himself if necessary, and he had actually beaten up Craig in their big fight before they got together. He decided to let it go; his usual strategy was to let Craig be all protective, and he could look after Craig at the same time.  
  
They were only 10, so Tweek had no idea if what they felt was love. Ever since they were first tricked into a fight, he had found himself gravitating towards Craig and his friends, and they had welcomed him with open arms. Craig was stoic and impassive, but he seemed to enjoy having Tweek around. A few times Tweek had noticed Craig staring at him, then they slowly became closer until they were always sitting next to each other and on the same team when they played games or sports. When the Asian girls had first started drawing yaoi of them, both boys had panicked, but in the end it was too important to the town so they got together. Even once the pictures stopped and the town moved on, they couldn't bring themselves to separate. They never did more than hold hands, but it was enough for both of them. He wondered if this was what love was supposed to feel like.  
  


  
  
As they reached the playground, they saw the rest of the Freedom Pals all practicing their moves; Human Kite firing his lasers at Toolshed, then neatly dodging a thrown screwdriver.  
  
Jimmy watched as Timmy's hands flew. "Dr. T-t-t-Dr. Timooothy says 'You're a l-l-leaf on the w-w-wind, Human Kite.'"  
  
"Timmy!" Agreed Dr. Timothy happily. Mysterion stood next to him, arms crossed as he surveyed the rest of their team.  
  
"We're here too!" Tweek announced happily as they stepped onto the cement of the basketball court, far enough from the swings that they could play without getting in the way. "We have a new ultimate move to show Dr. Timothy!"  
  
"Great!" Toolshed and Human Kite stopped playing as they all gathered around.   
  
Their new move went over well, as Tweek had hoped; he and Craig had spent a fair amount of time deciding on their own motions, the move effects, and the catchphrase for it.   
  
As they split off into pairs, Craig stepped aside and whispered to Mysterion; Tweek noticed him gesture to the guys who had been following them. Oh God, were they pedophiles like the Ghost of Human Kindness?! He still remembered when that guy had almost kidnapped him and set off a whole kidnapping scare in South Park. What was going on?!!! It was TOO MUCH PRESSURE!!!  
  
  
  
  
Whatever Nico had been expecting, this wasn't it. The kids were all playing superhero, which made it more complicated, but at least they had found Mysterion; he still seemed like their best lead.  
  
Which was really saying something.  
  
Mysterion was maybe 10 years old, with a dark hood and mask and a large green question mark on his head attached by some kind of spring; a green "M" was on his chest, and he wore white briefs over his clothing like an old superhero. A cape completed the ridiculous image. The other kids all had strange costumes too, except for the two of them, Tweek and Craig; Nico noticed with amusement that they had similar signs taped to their chest with initials on them. Nico couldn't stop thinking about them. He had spent so much of his life not understanding his feelings, then feeling ashamed of them, that when delusional nut had screamed about "microaggressions" at them and mentioned a gay couple it had grabbed his attention. It also bothered him that Craig could see through the Mist; his sword should have been invisible.  
  
His eyes scanned the other kids, looking for any sign of powers, but aside from throwing tools and shouting about turrets and lasers none of them seemed particularly impressive. His eyes went back to Mysterion, taking in the surprising athletic ability and fighting skill. Nico was pretty sure that was who they were looking for.  
  
As he watched the kids play, he felt a sadness well up inside him. He remembered when he first found out he was a demigod, asking Percy a hundred questions and racing around the camp eagerly, playing games and Capture the Flag and training and being just like them. It had seemed like such an adventure. That was before...  
  
He shook himself. He was the Ghost King, the son of Hades. He wasn't a little kid anymore. Still, he wondered if he could get Will to play Mythomagic; he hadn't played in years and missed it.  
  
As if on cue, Percy nudged him. "Remind you of anybody?"  
  
"Oh shut up." Nico muttered, but he smiled slightly. Percy put an affectionate arm around his shoulders.  
  
"I'm just saying, grumpy kid with dark hair and his bouncy blond boyfriend..." Percy grinned down at him. Nico glared but he couldn't really put any anger into it.  
  
When the kids finally stopped playing, they all split up. Super Craig looked at them again and deliberately walked behind his friends. While the other kids headed down towards some houses, Mysterion headed towards some old broken buildings not too far away.  
  
Nico followed suit, Percy and Jason right behind him. They hurried to catch up, but Mysterion was quick.  
  
"Mysterion wait!" Jason shouted.   
  


  
  
Mysterion hurried to the SoDoSoPa ruins. He could hear the guys chasing him and calling out to him. Craig had warned him they were up to something, and he definitely saw the sword he had been warned about.  
  
He raced into the construction zone and quickly climbed up the broken staircase, hiding on the second floor. He wondered idly if Batman had hidden behind pillars like this for his entrances.  
  
Sure enough, a moment later the guys came into view. They looked around curiously, speaking quietly to each other.  
  
What happened next shocked Kenny completely. In all his adventures, he had never met another being who had super powers. His friends all played their game and had their pretend adventures, and never remembered his various deaths; none of them had ever seen or remembered how powerful he was. He had never seen a speck of evidence of the supernatural other than himself.  
  
Now, it was undeniable. They were powerful, there was no doubt. The blond guy proved it  
as he looked around, then did the impossible.  
  
He started to fly.  
  
He lifted off the ground; the wind blew his clothes as he looked around, studying the scene. Kenny stared open mouthed, totally caught off guard as the blond soared over the ruins like a blond superman; he only barely remembered to hide himself in time before those eyes landed on him.  
  
As the blond hair flew past him, Mysterion cautiously poked his head out again and surveyed the situation.  
  
"Mysterion, please come out. We just want to talk." The taller of the two black haired guys called out; his voice was friendly.   
  
The smaller one with the weird sword looked around. "We're friends, I promise."   
  
Mysterion considered coming out until the guy with the sword gestured. Several of the large rocks and pieces of debris crumbled around him, eliminating hiding places. Whatever these guys were, there was no way he was going to risk talking to them. Not with Karen nearby.   
  
The taller black haired guy walked towards the stairs, while the smaller guy peered into the ruins. He realized he wouldn't get a better chance than this. He watched the blond guy, braced himself...and as the guy flew past Mysterion leapt on top of him.  
  
The guy cried out in surprise, then unexpected weight bringing him down; Mysterion wrapped his cape around his head, making the blond cry out in a muffled tone. They tumbled and fell to the ground together.  
  
Shouting, the other two raced towards him. Mysterion leapt off the blond guy and studied the other two. The smaller guy looked at him coldly. "I don't want to hurt you." He said menacingly. Mysterion snorted.  
  
"Like you could. If I'm not your worst nightmare, I aspire to be!" Calling on his powers, he turned into shadows and fired through the guy, kicking him backwards and into a garbage can as he solidified. The third guy pulled out a pen and pulled the cap off, and the pen suddenly expanded into a sword! Kenny's eyes widened and he leapt back. Holding the sword in front of him, the guy took a defensive pose.  
  
"Calm down, we're friends! We're here to help!" The other two were standing up and Mysterion didn't like feeling outnumbered. Charging, he began pummeling the third guy and managed to take him off guard. Spinning underneath a blow, he grabbed the sword, twisted, and tore it out of his hand. As he spun to face them, the sword vanished from his hand and returned to it's owner. Mysterion stared in surprise.  
  
"Oh, you cheating ASSHOLE!"  
  
The smallest guy whipped his sword out and gestured. Skeletons erupted from the ground. "Calm down NOW!" He ordered.  
  
Mysterion called on the powers of the netherborn and ghostly hands, skeletal and glowing blue, erupted from the ground and tore the skeletons to pieces. "Oh no you don't!" He raged, charging again. He easily ducked under the blond guy and punched the smaller black haired boy as hard as he could. He tried grabbing the black sword rather than the pen sword, and this time as he got it free it stayed in his hand; it seemed to hum with energy. He knocked him down, then spun around, grabbed the blond guy with his shadows, pulled him forward and knocked him down too. Running at the green eyed boy, he flung himself down and hit him in the knees, sending him to the ground.  
  
"Stay away from South Park! You're not welcome here!" He ordered. Without another word Mysterion fled, his new sword in his hand, as the boys were left, open mouthed and staring, in his wake.


	4. Backup, Rainbows, and a Second Chance

The three demigods sat in their hotel room. None of them could speak.

Nico had always thought that being forced to come out by Cupid himself would be the greatest humiliation he would ever suffer. Being turned into a dandelion and a corn plant, being “initiated” by the Ares cabin, Will finding out he was ticklish; none of those things had been half as humiliating as the moment he was forced to stand before Cupid and announce that he was gay and had a crush on Percy.

Today had left that awful moment in the dust.

The son of Hades, Prince of the Underworld, King of Ghosts, he who had once carried the immense Athena Parthenos to Camp Half-Blood, had been beaten up by a child. Some little kid had managed to steal his sword, take him down and disappear.

Most stunning of all, it hadn't just been him. His eyes flew to Jason and Percy, both completely shell-shocked at what had just happened. They were three of the most powerful demigods in the world; how did they get beaten by a child?

Silently Nico looked at the bathroom, then quietly stood. The others followed as they went to contact Chiron. They arranged the lamp in the shower again, then Jason threw a coin in.

To their dismay, Chiron stood in the Big House surrounded by the other counsellors, as well as several campers and a delegation of Romans.

"What's happening?" Chiron asked anxiously. "Did you make contact?"

They exchanged looks. "We did." Jason hesitated. "We met the kid calling himself 'Mysterion', but he was...not encouraging."

"What did you say to him?"

"We didn't get a chance." Percy spoke up. "He decided we were a threat and came out swinging."

Nico nodded. "He was ready for a fight. We couldn't prevent it."

"You didn't hurt him too badly, did you?" Reyna asked.

The three boys stared at the ground, trying to figure out how to answer. Before they could get it out, Connor Stoll lit up. "OH MY GOD HE KICKED YOUR BUTTS!"

"We had to go easy on him!" Percy tried to protest.

Everybody was cracking up. Even Chiron was fighting a smile. "I'm sure you did your best," he said kindly.

"True, the...they were..." Connor was choking with laughter. "They were facing, what, a 12 year old in a Halloween costume?"

"...He was 10." Percy grudgingly admitted. The laughter almost doubled.

"It's not funny!" Nico snapped. The laughter faded away immediately; even the bravest of them didn't quite dare to directly insult Nico. "That kid has power, Chiron. Serious power. He stole my sword, knocked Jason out of the sky, threw shadows around like they were toys and actually turned into a shadow a few times." 

"He also called these...glowing arm things out from the ground and tore Nico's skeletons to pieces." Percy added.

"It's like nothing we've ever come across; he's definitely not fully human, but if he's actually a demigod I can't even begin to guess where he's from." He hesitated, then spoke the words he had been considering since the fight. "I don't think he's one of us. I think he might be the dark force you noted earlier."

The campers exchanged looks.

"How else do you explain it?" Nico continued. "He's got more power over the shadows than I do, he can wield Stygian iron, but when he hit me...I'd recognize one of my siblings, or anything connected with the underworld. He's not from there."

Chiron closed his eyes. "I will consult with the Gods and the Oracle. Until we have some answers, I'll send Annabeth and Will down to give you a hand. We need to figure out what's going on there."

Jason nodded in agreement. "Good call. Maybe they can reach him."

Chiron seemed lost in thought. Suddenly he looked up again. "If it isn't Mysterion, did you see any sign of other demigods?"

Percy smiled crookedly. "We saw a bunch of kids playing superhero and some crazy guy yelling about...umm...microaggressions? None of them seemed demigod material though."

"It might have been one of them not realizing what they were doing." Nico mused. "This is a really weird town, I don't know what to make of it."

"We'll take another look around and see what we can come up with." Jason promised.

"Wait for your backup." Chiron instructed. "They should be there early tomorrow."

"Good idea." Percy glanced out the window. "We should get some rest anyways."

"Yeah, you should heal. What if a mean 8 year old comes by?" Connor teased.

Nico glared at him sourly. Connor flinched and stayed quiet.

The next morning brought their friends, much to their relief. Annabeth stepped in first, hurrying over to Percy. Will followed right behind, wearing a large backpack.

"Hey, Seaweed Brain." Annabeth smiled warmly, wrapping her arms around Percy. He kissed her lightly.

"Hey, Wise Girl."

"Will." Nico nodded solemnly. 

"Hey, Death Boy."

Nico's eyes narrowed. "Get a new nickname, Solace. This one's getting old."

"Good. Maybe it'll make you taller."

Nico gritted his teeth. Come hell or high water, he would win an argument with Will someday. Unfortunately, Will chose that moment to smile warmly at him, and at the sight of his dimples Nico lost the ability to speak. He settled for stepping forward and hugging him lightly, and Will hugged him warmly back.

"I missed you." Will murmured.

"I missed you too." Nico answered.

"I'll never understand your relationship." Jason shook his head fondly, smiling.

Will turned, keeping an arm over Nico's shoulder, and grinned at the room. "So, what's happening? We should come up with a plan for today."

"We talked it over last night." Jason pulled out his map. "We met this kid at the playground here, then followed him to this area here; it looks like an abandoned construction site."

"Ok." Annabeth studied it carefully. "He probably knew you were following and hid there; it's an ideal fighting spot. We can track Nico's sword for now; hopefully that'll take us to where he is and we can get a better idea of what's happening. At the moment that's our only lead."

Nico nodded. He had been tempted to follow it the night before but he knew better now. They were going to need help.

They carefully drove through South Park, Nico focusing on the underworld energy from his sword. He carefully directed them through a street past some houses.

"It's not far now." He concentrated. "It should be just another block up."

Jason carefully drove over some railroad tracks, and they stared around them. The area was terrible; the ruins they had fought in last night were right there, and they were built over what looked like a dilapidated shed; the roof was falling apart, green paint was haphazardly splashed across the building, broken bottles and empty beer cans littered the ground. There was no glass in the window, just a few boards. Next to it stood what might have been a garage once, but it was in even worse shape.

"It's in here." Nico stared at the ruin before him.

Jason studied it. "This must be an abandoned old house or something he uses as a base." He parked in an empty spot.

They exchanged looks, then Will climbed out, stepped forward and peered through the window cautiously. He looked back at them, shock in his face. They all climbed out and Jason made sure to lock the doors.

"This is somebody's house!" He whispered. "There's a lady in there!"

"Somebody lives here?" Percy breathed. Nico felt a rush of pity.

"We should knock." Annabeth pointed out. "If Mysterion is here we can try talking to him, if not we can at least try to work with whoever is there."

They exchanged looks, then Annabeth stepped forward and carefully knocked on the door. A minute later the door opened.

"YOU SPINELESS DEADBEAT! WHAT THE HE-Oh, hello young lady." A redheaded woman stood before them; her face was dirty and she wore an "I'm with Stupid" t-shirt.

"Hi, I-"

"HAH!" A man leapt out of the trash, shoved Annabeth out of the way, and barrelled in the house. "YOU CAN'T KEEP ME OUT OF MY OWN HOUSE!"

"IT'S NOT YOUR HOUSE ANYMORE YOU DEADBEAT!" The lady chased after him.

"Umm..." Percy started.

"The hell it isn't! I built this place!"

"You stole my weed, you son of a bitch!"

"You bought it with my money!"

"Those were MY beer cans!"

The two disappeared, still yelling. After a moment of hesitation, the demigods slowly stepped over the torn "Welcome" mat, a dead rat laying atop it still, and went through the door.

The house was even worse inside. A ripped and stained couch was against the wall; the drywall and insulation were falling off, leaving gaping holes everywhere. A neon sign was the only decoration (it seemed to say "EREB" although Nico suspected it really said "BEER"), and they could see a cracked and broken floor in the kitchen. A really old TV stood against the wall, a ripped and sagging couch the only furniture.

They stared in disbelief at the wrecked and broken house. None of them could speak for several minutes.

"Should we leave?" Nico asked, finally breaking the spell of silence that had washed over them.

Before they could answer, more noise came from the bedroom. This time the noise was decidedly different; Nico flushed hearing the moans and yelling. Forcing himself to move on, he carefully tracked the energy from his sword to another room; the door had some incredibly explicit pictures on it.

They hesitated together, then slowly Nico pushed it open.

The room was as bad as the rest of the house; the thin wallpaper was tearing in places, revealing the wood beneath. There was a cracked and broken dresser, a closet with the door hanging off the hinges, and a single mattress laying directly on the floor. Behind the closet door, they could see a series of orange parkas. Nico stared in confusion at the row of parkas, then looked around. "There's not even a dresser here. There aren't any other clothes; just a bunch of jackets."

Nico opened the ancient toy chest. It had hardly anything in it; just some old and broken toy cars, plus some torn and ripped magazines like the ones Connor Stoll quietly sold at camp to older kids. His sword lay directly on top. He gripped it tightly, returning it to his side; it hung loosely against his leg, the exposed blade pulsing with power.

He looked around, then reached a decision. "Does anybody have any note paper?" Annabeth passed some over and he started to write, struggling to make it make sense through his dyslexia; it took him four tries before he was sure it was readable.

"Mysterion,

I mean you no harm, but I needed my sword back. It's imperative that we talk to you ASAP. Please meet us in the ruins we fought in tonight at 7 PM. We come in peace and only want to talk, I swear on the River Styx.

Nico di Angelo"

Nico doubted the kid would understand the vow he had made, but at least telling him his real name might make him agree to talk. After a moment, he opened his wallet, removed some money, and folded it up inside the note. He considered, put it in the toy box, then they went back outside.

"Do you think he'll come?" Percy asked. "This looks like a crack house, he might not even see it."

Nico nodded. "He put my sword here, which means he comes here often. It's worth a try anyways."

With one last sad look around, they left the house.

With no other ideas until later, they continued to look around, eventually ending up back at the coffee shop they found the day before. This time the kids were in school, so they decided to go in.

As they approached the counter, a man appeared, smiling like he was greeting an old friend. "Hello, customers, and welcome to Tweak Bros Coffee. What can I get for you?"

Annabeth squinted at the menu, trying to make sense of the jumble of letters. "Do you have any specialty coffees?"

"They're all special." The man spoke in a dreamy, vacant sort of way. "Our coffee is made from fresh local ingredients. Local ingredients, grown by local farmers, made by local residents. Tweak Coffee is as South Park as anything. And what's more special than knowing you bought locally?"

They stared in confusion at him. He continued to smile back at them, apparently content to let them work it out themselves.

Jason opened his mouth, paused, closed it, thought carefully, then opened it again. "Do you have any flavoured coffee?"

"Naturally. Naturally, like our fresh local ingredients." The man gazed into the distance as he spoke. "With our fresh local ingredients, we made a special mocha in honor of our son and his boyfriend. Tweek and Craig are our local gay couple, and in their name we blended locally sourced white hot chocolate, peppermint, coffee, our special secret ingredient, topped it with whipped cream and rainbow sprinkles, and added a piece of rainbow cake on the side. Sweet, with a rainbow of love, just like them. We call it 'The Rainbow Creek'."

The demigods all looked at each other. Percy was shaking with the desire to burst out laughing, Jason looked thoroughly confused, Annabeth was smiling and trying to calm Percy down, Nico was in shock, and Will was grinning widely.

"We'll take 5!" Will announced happily. "To go, please."

"Certainly, customers." The man took their payment then disappeared, humming to himself. 

Percy hurried outside to laugh hysterically, Annabeth following him. As they vanished, a lady appeared. She wore a flowered blouse and a skirt made out of...Nico wasn't sure what. Straw, maybe?

"Oh, hello there! Have you been helped?"

"Yes, thank you. A man took our order for 5...Rainbow Creeks?" Jason still looked like he was wondering if this was a dream.

"Oh, wonderful! My husband and I worked hard developing those! We made them for our son and his boyfriend. I hope you enjoy them!" She seemed much more down to earth than her husband, although she still seemed like a bit of a hippy as she bustled around behind the counter, humming and swaying contentedly.

Percy came back in, looking more in control of himself. Annabeth followed behind. A minute later, the man reappeared holding a tray with 5 to go cups and paper plates holding cake.

"Five Rainbow Creeks! Locally made just for you." The demigods all tested the coffee curiously; it was...Nico didn't know how to describe it. It was sweet, with a strange taste to it. Will was eagerly taking a picture of his coffee and cake.

"This is going right on Instagram! Austin and Kayla are going to be so jealous of this; they're putting the same Starbucks things as always on there!"

"That's good. I don't know why Tweek keeps begging us not to sell these, they're one of our most popular items." The lady mused.

"Maybe he's just embarrassed? He's such a silly little thing." The man offered, kissing her cheek. "It could be due to Craig's parents too. They're very nice people, but kind of strange."

Jason choked on his coffee.

"Now now, they were very polite." The lady said soothingly. "You can't really hold it against them that they had never heard of the revered Guru Parizad Tehranhi. They might have understood if you had explained that he went by Jack Flanagan until he found the path to enlightenment while selling tires; they can't be expected to know about every nudist spiritual retreat in Colorado."

"True, but when we explained it was for Christmas they looked like we had two heads! Then they attempted to talk to us about..." The man shuddered. "...football. They even wanted to throw a football around in the back yard! Can you imagine?"

"I know dear, but they didn't refuse our invitation to join us in a candlelight meditation instead as an insult."

Percy disappeared, shaking with laughter again.

Kenny leaned against his locker, trying to make sense of everything.

That sword was weird. There was no other word for it. It was glowing purple and had almost vibrated in his hand; it had felt like he had sewn somebody else's arm onto his, and he had barely been able to swing it; he had finally decided to stuff it into his toy chest for now. He didn't want it anywhere near the school; he'd have to make sure to get rid of it before Karen got home.

Cartman and Kyle were arguing loudly next to him, but he was used to that at home so he just ignored them. To his surprise, Craig whispered something to Tweek then came over.

"What happened yesterday?" He asked, concerned. "Did you talk to those guys?"

"They were total pussies." Kenny grinned underneath his hood. "I beat them up and told them to get out of town. I also managed to get that black sword."

"Really?" Craig looked impressed. "What was it?"

"I don't know." The grin faded. "It felt really weird, I could barely hold it. I finally stuck it away, I'll deal with it tonight."

Craig nodded.

"There's something else." Kenny hesitated; should he actually bring up the guy who could fly? Or would that make Craig think it was part of the game? He mentally shrugged; why worry him? "One of the other guys has a sword too; he pulled out a pen and it turned into a sword. I got it away from him and it disappeared and returned to him." Craig's eyes widened. "They're powerful, Craig. I warned them away, but be on the lookout."

When Kenny finally made his way home, he noted sourly that the door was open and his dad was on the couch drinking beer; clearly his mom was over the fight. With a sigh, he passed by and went into his room, shrugging his backpack off...and paused.

Something was wrong.

He looked around carefully, not moving as he took in every detail. His stuff was all in the same place, just as he'd left it, but all the same it felt really different in his room, a totally different...energy! Racing forward, he flung the chest open and stared in disbelief at the folded paper where the sword was.

For a moment, fury swept through him. This was his HOME! This was where KAREN lived! They had invaded his most private, his most secret, sacred...

Gradually he calmed down, forcing the fury inside. Carefully he opened the letter, expecting taunts. Instead, to his surprise several $20 bills fell out. Hastily grabbing them up and hiding them in his pocket, he read over the letter. Squinting and trying to read through the spelling mistakes, he frowned. What was the River...Styx? He wondered if that was a major mispelling or something.

Putting the letter down, he thought through the situation.

1) They knew where he lived  
2) They could have attacked him in his sleep, instead they gave him money.  
3) They hadn't actually attacked first last time.

Kenny drummed his hands on his knee. Had he totally misread the situation?

Well, he could either sit here, pretend this wasn't happening, and be caught off guard, or spring the trap and see what happens. Time to scout out SoDoSoPa again.

Nico stepped carefully forward, flanked by Jason and Percy. Will and Annabeth brought up the rear as they looked around carefully. Jason spoke first. "Mysterion?"

"Finally." A figure leapt down and glared at them. "Do you have any idea how hard it is to look mysterious when you're peeking out from a corner?" He took in the five of them, then nodded. "What do you want?"

Nico tried to get a reading on him. The energy coming from him was definitely different, and there was death, but... 

""We've got powers, like you." Jason's voice was reassuring. "We're the children of the Gods. I'm the son of Jupiter. This is Percy, son of Poseidon, and Nico, son of Hades." Mysterion's eyes flew over them. "This is Will, son of Apollo, and this is Annabeth, daughter of Athena."

Mysterion nodded. "Mysterion, Hero of South Park." He paused, then asked cautiously, "What do you mean, the children of Gods? What does that have to do with me?"

"The Gods are real, Mysterion." Jason knelt so that he was on the same level as the boy. "They've always been real. They have affairs with mortals sometimes, and they have kids. We get special powers as a result. We found out there was a powerful demigod here somewhere, and that led us to you. We thought you might be the one we're looking for."

Mysterion crossed his arms. "Thought?"

"The powers you used...we've never seen anything like them. You've got more control over them than kids with years of training."

A smirk crossed the boy's face. "I try."

"You've died." Nico finally realized what was going on with Mysterion's energy. All eyes turned to him. "You've died hundreds of times. I can feel the underworld on you. It's not my father though, or Thanatos; you've never been judged either. You just keep coming back. No demigod could do that; only monsters can, and I can tell you're not a monster."

Annabeth stared at him. "You're not a human, a demigod, or a monster. What in Olympus are you?"

Mysterion shrugged. "I don't know. I'm an immortal created by a cult. Beyond that your guess is as good as mine."

"Wait. What do you mean 'created by a cult'?" Annabeth demanded.

Another shrug. "Grownups in this town are weird." Nico couldn't argue with that. "A cult to Cthulhu sprang up 10 years ago. My parents showed up drunk, they did some ritual, and now I'm the world's only immortal fourth grader."

The demigods stared. None of them could speak.

"What would have happened if I was one of you?" Mysterion asked curiously.

"We have a camp, a special place where you would have been trained every summer, or all year if you wanted." Jason answered softly.

"NO WAY!" His vehemence was surprising. "This town needs me! My si...people need me! I can't leave for months at a time!"

"You wouldn't be forced." Jason reassured him. "You would have been given the choice."

Mysterion opened his mouth to respond when the screams started. All six of them whipped around to look back at the street, then raced out. People were running and screaming, and they hurried to the next street over and looked down the road.

An instant later, the three boys all had their swords out, Annabeth had pulled out her dagger, and Will pulled out a bow while Mysterion prepared to fight.


	5. A Battle and a New Demigod

The horse glared down the street at them. Dark eyes took in the figures of the demigods and Mysterion, then fixated on Percy. It seemed to grin, revealing human flesh caught between large, sharp teeth. One hoof negligently prodded the bloody remains on the ground; clearly the horse was in the middle of dinner.

"Oh good." The voice rang in Percy's mind. "Seafood. I love surf and turf."

"What are you doing here?" Percy demanded, ignoring the remark. "After I cleaned Geryon's stables you swore not to eat more people."

"Not on the River Styx we didn't." Deliberately, the horse bent down and ripped more flesh off the body. Rage coursed through Percy.

"We need to kill these things!" Mysterion said urgently. "The last time these things came in they killed thousands!"

"Right." Nico raised his sword. "Let's take it out."

With a roar, the stallion leapt over the body easily. With shocking swiftness, it charged right at them, looking in particular at Percy. "Come on, little fish!" It taunted, heading straight at him. The son of Poseidon leapt out of the way, slashing furiously with Riptide; it cut along the horse's side, but Percy could tell it was just a flesh wound.

The horse whipped around easily; it neatly kicked Annabeth with it's hoof as it turned, lunging up on it's back two feet. Will narrowly avoided being trampled. Jason leapt into the air, holding his own sword towards the sky. Mysterion jumped on top of the horse, punched it, then backflipped off of it. The horse, furious, twirled easily, and before they could stop it those giant teeth lunged down and tore Mysterion's throat open. With a soft gurgle, the little body fell to the ground; Mysterion was tiny in death.

Percy screamed with rage at the sight of that small body falling to the ground, dimly registering that the others shared his outrage. As Will hurried forward, pulling a first aid kit out, Annabeth slashed with her dagger. The horse turned, trying to get her, and the sons of the Big Three did something they'd only ever done in practice. While Percy exploded a water line beneath the road and engulfed the horse in a massive orb of water, Nico jammed his sword straight into the beast's side. They all covered their eyes as Jason hit the orb and sword at the same time with a massive lightning blast, frying the creature within.

When they looked again, the charred remains of the horse lay on the ground.

Nico grabbed his sword vacantly as he rushed to the boy's side. Will looked sad. 

"There was nothing I could do." The blond son of Apollo whispered. Nico put an arm around him gently. Annabeth reached down and closed the boy's eyes. 

Will looked around, then lifted the small body and put it in the bushes. "We'll put him here for now and come back for him later."

"Poor kid." Whispered Jason softly. Percy put an army around Annabeth.

Will suddenly looked back at Nico. "Didn't you say he's died before?"

Nico frowned. "Yeah. A LOT. Right now...he's not...something strange is happening. I don't....I can't quite..." He looked thoroughly confused as he tried to make sense of the energy he felt.

More screams distracted them. Grabbing his bow, Will fired an arrow at an oncoming horse; it rose up with a shriek.

Percy rose up, whipping his sword around. Come hell or high water, he would avenge that child.

The horses were everywhere. Dead bodies littered the ground; a guy Percy had seen selling tickets at a theater lay in a pool of his own blood. More blood was splattered across windows and fences. One horse had smashed into a bus and was trying to roll it while the people inside screamed, and another was chasing down some guy with a mustache holding a video camera and following his family. 

"Hurry Shelly, get in frame and say something funny."

"RANDY STOP IT!"

"GOD I HATE THIS FAMILY!"

"JESUS CHRIST DAD!"

"You'll be glad I got this on video someday! Wait, did I put a tape in this time?"

As the horses stormed everywhere, Will looked at the others. "Cover your ears." Putting his fingers into his mouth, he blew; the whistle was louder than a jet engine. People screamed and covered their ears and the horses leapt up on their hind legs in alarm, starting to fall back; only one managed to stayed where it was, and even it was staggered. Its dark eyes flashed as it screeched with pain. When Will finally stopped, there was absolute silence for a moment.

"Everybody get inside!" Percy shouted. "Stay inside and out of sight!"

As people started to obey, Percy used his powers and blew up a few water lines and threw the spewing water around at the horses; the force of it drove most of them back and kept the last one from regaining its footing. 

"We're going to eat you, little fish! We're having seafood tonight!" It growled, finally managing to stand up. 

"Not happening!" Percy responded angrily; his friends all looked annoyed at only understanding one part of the conversation. "You've already killed too many people. It's over now!"

"NEVER!" The horse started forward. Without any warning, a pickup smashed into it, sending the creature flying; it smashed into a wall and fell unconscious or dead to the ground. A balding red-haired man stuck his head out the window. A blonde lady sat next to him holding a shotgun, and she leaned out her own window, firing at the horse's head. 

"CRAIG!!" He shouted desperately. "WHERE ARE YOU? CRAIG!!!!"

"Get inside!" Percy shouted at him.

"NOT UNTIL I FIND MY SON!!" Before Percy could answer the man raced away. A young girl sitting in the back flipped off the horse as they left. The demigods looked after the truck helplessly but got distracted by more screaming.

  
"TAKE THAT!!!" Tweek swung a pot of coffee directly at the creature, sending the hot coffee straight into its head. It howled with pain, leaping up on two legs as the searing liquid got into its eyes. As it dropped back down, Tweek brought the pot itself down on the horse's head; it shattered loudly, sending broken glass everywhere.

"Yes! We'll add your blood to our fresh local ingredients!" His dad shouted loudly, running after them.

"STOP ADVERTISING-" THWACK! "-AND SAVE-" THWACK! "-OUR SON, YOU IMBECILE!" His mom was pounding on the monster with a broom, but it caught the handle in its teeth and easily shattered the wood, turning onto her with a fiery glare. 

Before it could move, his dad flung one of those damned rainbow cakes directly into the eyes, blinding it. With a screech the creature backed off a bit, trying to shake the cream off its face. Grabbing Tweek, his dad hauled him into the store, with his mom following closely behind.

Tweek stumbled into the shop, his heart racing. His parents followed close behind. As his parents quickly began pulling the shades down, Tweek shoved a table in front of the door as a barricade. His dad turned the lights out and pulled them into the storage room, closing the door behind them. Together they sat on the floor as a family, with Tweek carefully hidden behind his parents. He twitched and squirmed desperately. "Oh Jesus, GAH! They'll find us!"

"It's OK honey, we're here." His mom murmured, stroking his hair. His dad pulled out the thermos of coffee they always kept ready in the back room.

"Have some coffee to calm down," whispered his dad, passing him the thermos. Tweek eagerly drank it down, only to choke at the sounds of somebody pounding on a door outside.

"Stay quiet." Richard whispered. More pounding, then the sound of the back door opening.

"US Military! Is anybody in here?!"

"We're here!" Richard shouted, opening the door eagerly. Two soldiers stood before him in uniform. Tweek was almost relieved, but something was...off. He couldn't put his finger on it, but he was suddenly very nervous. His dad paused several feet away.

"We're evacuating children from the town. Do you have any kids here?" Tweek started forward, but his mom caught him, her eyes narrowed suspiciously.

"What about the rest of us?"

"Somebody will come back for you."

Richard put his hand in front of Tweek to keep him from moving. "What branch of the military are you with?"

"US Army. We've got to get moving!" Tweek's mom held onto him tighter.

"You're lying." Richard's voice was flat.

"What?" The soldiers asked in unison. Both looked surprised, and Tweek stared at his dad worriedly.

"You're lying. I've protested against every military base in Colorado and I know how they work; their best response time isn't even close to this. You wouldn't have come here for at least another hour and you'd start by flying over. So I ask you again; who are you?"

The men looked at each other, then with a shrug one swung his fist. Tweek's dad slammed against the wall and slid to the floor, unconscious.

"Richard!" His mom screamed. "Run Tweek!" Shoving him towards the back door, she grabbed a jar of sugar from a table and lunged forward, bringing it down on one of their heads.

Tweek frantically bolted towards the back door, but the other soldier blocked the way. His mom cried out as she was thrown to the floor next to him; she didn't get back up. Tweek froze in terror, staring at the men before him.

As they transformed into their true shapes, he started screaming.

  
The battle raged through South Park. The demigods finally found themselves in front of City Hall; the horses had them cornered on the steps.

Percy raised his sword threateningly; he could feel the sewers and water lines flowing beneath them, ready to burst. Jason hovered over them, lightening flickering in the sky overhead. Will had his bow out, and Annabeth and Nico stood together, side by side, blades drawn and ready for action. All five demigods showed signs of battle; their clothing was ripped and muddy, and bruises were already appearing on their arms. Blood was smeared on Percy's face, but it was impossible to tell if he was injured or if it was from one of the horses. He was so wired he didn't know himself if he was injured or not, and right now he didn't particularly care.

A large horse narrowed its eyes and prepared to charge. The large teeth, bloodstained with flesh caught in them, seemed to grind as the gums pulled back. The horse braced itself...and paused.

"Finally!" It growled, staring angrily off to the side. "There you are!"

"What?" Percy stared in surprise. Turning to his friends he explained "It just said 'there you are'. I don't know what's gooooo...." His voice trailed off in surprise as the horses shifted and twisted, transforming into...

They stared in total disbelief. Of everything the horses could look like, none of them had seen this one coming. Fur exploded out of the horses; the teeth became larger, sharper, with huge buck teeth at the front. They would almost be cute if they weren't so enormous; they were larger than a bus.

Percy realized that the creatures weren't even looking at them anymore. He followed their gaze, and blinked at the sight of the child standing at the intersection.

"Get out of here, kid!" He shouted.

Ignoring them, the boy stepped forward. "Fuck off!" He raged at the creatures. His eyes blazed, then shone, then a blinding light exploded from him, smashing into the creatures like a truck. The monsters shrieked with agony; the light seemed to burn into them like a fire, burning their fur and skin. Their flesh smoked and burned under the onslaught, leaving the smell of cooked meat in the air. Percy glanced up but Jason seemed just as stunned as he was; clearly none of them were doing anything.

The giant creatures screamed and panicked, and the boy stepped forward, still blasting them.

"You cannot stop us this time! You beat us before, but we will win!" One of the creatures roared. Percy turned to his friends to explain what they were saying, but judging by the stunned looks on their faces, they could suddenly understand the creatures just fine.

"No, you won't." The boy stepped forward, still blazing light. "Let's dance, asshole." His voice was clearly audible, even over the screams of the creatures. "I mean, not literally, because I don't dance." With a start, Percy recognized the voice as one of the kids they had met earlier. "But let's punch!"

"We're going to rip your heart out and eat it in front of you!" The monster's fur rippled as it snarled at the boy. "We'll eat the flesh from your bones while you scream for death!"

The boy stepped forward. In the same flat tone as before he said, "I'm not sorry for what I'm about to do." The light blazed even brighter. The force of the blast was too much, and the creatures exploded; blood and gore erupted as they blew up one after the other, raining all over the streets, the buildings, and the demigods. Finally the light faded, leaving a deafening silence behind. 

The demigods stared at the kid; how had they missed his power before? The boy stepped forward, looking at them in annoyance. Annabeth looked equally annoyed as she pulled a long, singed intestine out of her hair.

"These things tried to destroy the world once before." The boy glared at them coldly as he spoke. "And now they show up just after you guy did. That's not a coincidence. What are you people doing here?"

Jason stepped forward. He glanced at the remains of one of the guinea pigs, then knelt down in front of the boy.

"We were looking for you, Craig."

The battle was over, but chaos reigned supreme. Cops were everywhere trying to maintain order and ambulances were running in every direction.

"Wait." Craig stared at Jason. "Are you telling me that my parents aren't my real parents?"

"One of them is." Jason's voice was soft. "The other is a God or Goddess. We don't know which one yet."

Craig was completely floored. He had wondered about his powers, but never in his life had he imagined...

His thoughts were cut off by a screech of tires. Next thing he knew his parents were on the scene. "CRAIG!!" His dad jumped out of the car, followed by his mom. They abandoned their usual stoic front while they checked him over and made sure he was OK. Tricia stood behind them, but he could see the concern hidden behind her mask of indifference. After a moment she stepped forward and hugged him.

"This never happened, loser." She whispered into his ear.

"Right back at you." Craig answered automatically. He realized as he did that the other five hadn't left yet. His parents looked at them, then at each other. Locking eyes, they nodded. 

His dad waved his hand at the back of the pickup. "Let's go back to the house and talk."

Craig sat on the couch between his parents. The five strangers were standing before them, looking uncertain. At least they had finally made proper introductions. Tricia had been sent to bed, but he knew full well she was hiding just out of sight.

Jason started off. "This is going to be hard to believe, but you need to understand the truth." He hesitated, then jumped in. "All the ancient myths about Gods and monsters...those are real."

"We know." Laura Tucker said flatly. Craig's head snapped up to look at his mom.

"What?" Percy and Craig asked in unison.

Thomas looked down at his son and put an arm around him. "Craig, you're my son, and I love you so much. But..." He seemed to hesitate as Craig stared up at him, suddenly feeling very small. "When your mom and I were dating, we broke up temporarily. While we were apart, she met this Peruvian guy and...when he disappeared, your mom was pregnant. Long story short, so we got married and I put my name down on your birth certificate."

"Wait. You...what?" Percy stared at them.

"What else were we supposed to do?" Laura asked. "Craig's biological father...Thomas and I both knew he was a God, and we realized that Craig had inherited certain powers from him after Craig defeated the guinea creatures last time they attacked."

"Were you ever going to tell me?!" Craig demanded. To his horror his emotions seemed to be getting the better of him.

"We thought when you were 16 or so." Thomas said calmly, rubbing Craig's back. "I love you, Craig; you're my son. Nothing will ever change that."

Craig closed his eyes and forced himself to get his emotions back under control. Using the same relaxation techniques and breathing exercises he normally talked Tweek through actually helped. After a minute or so, Craig was able to calm down enough to push his emotions aside for a while and open his eyes again. He gave the demigods his best stone faced, expressionless look. "So what do you want with me?"

"We..." Jason hesitated. "We go to this special camp for the children of Gods. We've been trying to find you so we could offer you the chance to go there; you can learn to fight with us and control your powers."

"They're under control." Craig said flatly. He wasn't sure about this camp idea; on the one hand it would be great to go to a place where other kids had these abilities and he could really talk to some of them, but on the other hand the idea of leaving South Park...leaving Tweek...

The demigods all looked at each other uncertainly. Before they could say, Craig's phone rang. 

"Unknown Caller." Craig muttered before picking up the call. If this was that ambulance chasing vulture Gerald Broflovski already planning a class action lawsuit or something and trying to get him as a client... He listened for a second, then rolled his eyes and hit the speakerphone button.

"-YOUR HEART FROM YOU, YOU'LL BEG FOR DEATH BEFORE WE FINISH! WE'LL HURT YOU MORE THAN YOU CAN EVER IMAGINE!!"

"I'm hanging up, but feel free to continue your delusional ranting." Craig ended the call, then paused. "I should check on Tweek, make sure he's ok." He went into his contacts list.

"Craig! CRAIG!" Tweek shrieked hysterically. Craig frantically pulled the phone away from his ear; he'd been so worried about Tweek that he had left the speakerphone on without realizing. Oh well. 

"I'm here babe, calm down. They're gone now." He focused all his energy on calming Tweek down; that was the perfect distraction to get his churning emotions under control. "Are you and your parents all right?"

Silence. The worry crept back up. "Tweek?"

"I told you we'd rip your heart out. We're going to do much worse than kill him. He'll scream your name until he has no voice left!" A horribly familiar voice gloated mockingly.

Craig was totally frozen. 

"Once we get home, the fun can REALLY start. Unless, of course, you're willing to make an exchange... One heart for another? You might want to hurry though, while his is still beating. You know where to find us."

The call ended. A horrified silence reigned.


	6. Always Remember Coffee When Travelling Internationally

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is my last chapter for the year; the next chapter will likely be mid-January. Happy holidays everybody!

This can't be happening. That thought screamed through Craig's brain, desperately trying to convince him this wasn't real. 

Reality itself seemed to be going out of control for Craig. He gasped for air desperately, but it didn't work; he could barely breathe. The world teetered and spun around him. 

Tweek. They had taken Tweek. 

Why didn’t anybody else seem to understand how bad that was? Craig had no idea. He wanted to throw up. He couldn't breathe, he couldn't think, he couldn't...

He felt the heat rise up in him again, furious. 

Craig was dimly aware of fire in front of him. Suddenly, strong arms grabbed him; lifted him off the floor. Then he was outside, staring at the sky. Screaming and screaming. Even if he set the whole world on fire, Craig didn't care.

Because those assholes had taken Tweek. And Tweek was his, goddamn it, and if they hurt him, Craig would…

Craig screamed one more time, before he collapsed into darkness.

Laura stared in annoyance at the destruction of her living room. At least the taller one - Percy - had managed to put the fire out. She noted with gratitude that he was somehow pulling the moisture out of the rug and off the wall, droplets of water hovering in the air and floating towards him. Still, she knew the couch would have to be replaced, there was no repairing that smoldering ruin. She’d have to go over their insurance with Thomas in the morning.

Her eyes closed. She was forcing herself to focus on the present so she didn't have to face the reality; her son was a "demigod", and his boyfriend had been kidnapped by those guinea creatures. Poor Tweek; Laura hoped he was still alive, and that his parents were...

The thought screeched to a halt in her head. "His parents!" Everybody looked at her in surprise. "Tweek's parents. They must be worried sick! Or...Oh no..." Grabbing her phone, she scrolled through her contacts and tried calling Helen Tweek. Then Richard Tweek, when Helen didn’t pick up. After those two attempts, she fired off the same text to each of them: “Are you OK?” Worry gripped her, as there was still no reply, from either of them.

"Where would they go if they were in danger?" Jason asked.

"The coffee shop." The answer was obvious to Laura. "They'll never abandon it; they'd head to Tweak Bros and barricade themselves in."

"I'll go check on them." Nico responded. "I can shadow-travel there and back."

"I'll go with you." Will said quickly, grabbing his satchel of medical supplies and his first aid kit.

Jason nodded. "Good idea. You two check on the parents, Percy and I will stand guard here in case Craig wakes up and goes crazy again. Annabeth, you should get in touch with Chiron and update him."

Annabeth nodded and disappeared into the kitchen.

"What's shadow-travel?" Laura asked, curious in spite of how worried she was. 

"I can travel anywhere in the world using shadows." Nico explained. "It's complicated, but fast."

Before Laura could question it any further Thomas reappeared. Craig lay in his arms unconscious. "I'm going to put him to bed." Thomas whispered.

As Craig was carried upstairs, Laura looked back at Will and Nico. "If you find the Tweaks, get them to a hospital if they need it . If they don’t, bring them back here so we can fill them in."

Nico nodded in agreement. Taking Will's hand, Nico pulled him towards the corner of the room; a bookcase against the well left a nice shadow in the corner. He stepped into it and disappeared.

As soon as they materialized behind the counter in the coffee shop, Will spun to check on Nico; the son of Hades looked all right, but he was gripping the counter for support. "Are you OK?" Will asked anxiously. Nico nodded weakly, then braced himself and stepped away.

A low moan caught Will's attention and he hurried towards the storage room. Two figures lay on the floor; Mr Tweak was slowly crawling towards his wife, a trickle of blood running down his face.

"Hey, hey, it's Ok. Don't move." Will fell to his knees and opened his first aid pack, checking the older man over quickly.

"Helen...they hurt her. My son...Tweek...where is he?" 

"Shh." Mr Tweak didn't seem to have any injuries, although there was a high chance he had a concussion. "I'm a medic. Hold still." The man reluctantly allowed Will to finish his quick examination, before Will went to look at Mrs Tweak. She was starting to regain consciousness, whimpering and clutching her chin; there was a good bruise forming. "Where's our son?!" Helen Tweak cried out frantically. "Where's Tweek?" 

Nico helped Will with disinfectant and bandages as Will carefully examined each of them, asking a few questions. To his relief, the damage wasn't nearly as bad as he'd feared.

"You both got lucky. You don't seem to have concussions, but you should get some rest."

"We need to find our son!" Helen Tweak said fiercely. "Do you know where Tweek is?"

To Will's complete surprise, Nico gently reached down and hugged her. "Come on, we'll take you to the Tuckers and fill you in." Nico said. “We know who’s got him, and we’re gonna help you get him back.”

Carefully, the two stood up. Will assisted them, watching cautiously, but aside from some bruises and the cut on Mr. Tweak's head they seemed to be all right. "Are the roads safe?" Mr. Tweak asked. 

"We're going to travel in an...unusual way." Nico gently explained shadow-travel to them; to his surprise they just accepted it without question. He wondered if it was their dreamlike, hippie nature, or if they were so worried about their son it overrode all other concerns. He nodded his approval; somewhat surprisingly, he liked them.

Nico gripped their hands while Will put his hand on Nico's shoulder. Taking a deep breath, they stepped into the shadows again.

Thomas buried his face in his hands at the table.

"Oh God." He muttered. How had his life turned into this ridiculous movie of the week?

In his entire life, Thomas Tucker had entertained three insane ideas. He had accepted that he was deeply in love with a woman considerably out of his league. He had accepted that she loved him back, and then, he had accepted that she had slept with an Incan God and given birth to his child. Thomas had been happy and eager to adopt Craig, and when he and Laura had their daughter a few years later their family had been complete. Thomas had heard of some..."demigods" was apparently the term,, demigods who had inherited powers from their divine parent. He had watched closely, but as far Thomas could tell Craig was totally normal. Even after he returned from Peru, Thomas had managed to convince himself that nothing was out of the ordinary.

Now Tweek had been kidnapped by giant guinea, Craig's powers were malfunctioning, the Tweaks might be dead for all he knew, and monsters had trashed the entire town.

Taking a deep breath, Thomas gripped the table for support and started to make a mental list of the facts.

1) The creatures had left South Park. Emergency services would get everything under control and maintain order.  
2) He'd find out soon enough if the Tweaks were alive; there was no point in stressing out until then.  
3) Craig was the key to all of this.

That last was the fact that Thomas kept circling around. The demigods obviously needed Craig, and at the same time the guinea creatures had gone to considerable lengths to get to him and threaten him. The idea of letting his child, his 10 year old boy, try to fight these things on his own...he couldn't stomach it.

His thoughts were interrupted by a blur of movement. The black haired kid - Nico - and Will stepped out of the shadows. They were leading the Tweaks, who looked banged up but all right. Thomas stood up and hurried over to them. 

"Richard, Helen, are you two ok? What happened?"

Laura rushed in, followed closely by the other demigods. Before they could speak, Nico slumped and fell; Will caught him and picked him up. "I'm going to lay him down somewhere."

"Guest room, up the stairs, second door on the right." Laura said, and Will disappeared upstairs.

"Do you know where Tweek is?" Richard Tweak asked desperately. Helen Tweak looked around the room, obviously hoping that Tweek would magically appear in front of her and this would turn out to be a bad dream.

Thomas and Laura exchanged looks, but it was Jason who stepped forward to explain.

"The creatures want to make a trade; Craig for Tweek." Helen's eyes widened. "Listen to me: we're going to find him. We're going to kill them, and we're going to do everything in our power to bring Tweek home."

"What happened to you?" Laura asked anxiously.

Helen took a deep breath. "One of the guinea pigs attacked the coffee shop but we were able to drive it back. We barricaded ourselves in the storage room when..." She closed her eyes.

"These guys showed up claiming to be from the military." Richard filled them in. "They said they were evacuating kids from the town. When I told them I knew they were lying, they knocked me out."

"Me too." Helen said softly. "Before I passed out I saw them transform again. They looked...they were different, almost like horses."

The three remaining demigods exchanged looks.

"Why would they be horses suddenly?" Laura asked.

The one called Annabeth stepped forward. "It has to do with the mythology in question. For example, if you meet a God, they'll look different depending on whether you follow the Greek or Roman path. One time we met a Greek God, but when he realized a Roman was with us he transformed into the Roman version, complete with a toga. This time...because we're here, the monsters took on their Greek form, which is a large, man-eating horse. When they're in proximity to Craig, they take on their Peruvian form, which, apparently, is giant guinea pigs."

A stunned silence followed the explanation.

"BUT WHERE IS OUR SON?!" Helen screamed. "HOW DO WE GET HIM BACK?"

"The creatures took him." Percy frowned. "They said that they were taking him home."

"Peru." Thomas said instantly. "They'll find a way to take him to Peru. That's where they were based last time; Craig defeated them there."

"Fine. Richard, we're going to Peru! Book plane tickets!" Helen ordered.

"Wait!" Percy quickly stepped in. "We'll go after him; we've trained for this sort of thing."

"The hell with that! This our SON! We're going after him." Richard sounded nothing like his usual hippie self; he hadn't babbled about "fresh, local ingredients" or tried to meditate once.

"Enough." Jason spoke firmly. They all looked at him in surprise. "We're not going to be able to do anything tonight anyways." He looked at the Tweaks. "Once Nico wakes up, he'll be able to help us get to Peru a lot faster. I know how worried you are - Gods, I can't even imagine - but please, try to understand: if we go charging in now we'll get killed and they'll kill him too. Give it a few hours; in the morning, we'll talk it over and come up with a plan."

The Tweaks stared at Jason in frustration, but Thomas nodded quickly. "That's a good plan. Richard, Helen, come sit down. We'll tell you what's been going on, all of it."

Craig's eyes opened. For a single moment of blissful ignorance, he stared at the ceiling without remembering anything. Then it all came crashing back.

Tweek. Those guinea bastards had Tweek.

His hands balled into fists. Think, Damn it! What had they said? Something about...one heart for another? Craig nodded to himself as the plan started to come to him. So, they wanted to trade Tweek for him? That made everything considerably easier.

He slowly got out of bed, dimly noticing that he was wearing his pajamas; his parents must have changed him the night before. pulled on his clothes and walked down the stairs, dully registering that the couch was destroyed; he winced, remembering his parents talking about having to borrow money for the mortgage already. He doubted he had enough birthday money to replace it. He followed the sound of voices and discovered the Tweaks in the kitchen with his parents.

"I'm going to Peru." Craig said flatly. 

Parents and demigods looked at him in surprise.

"Absolutely not!" His mom said firmly. His dad shook his head, glaring at him, but he glared right back.

"These things took Tweek because of me. I'm the one they want."

"Craig..." Percy knelt so he was looking the smaller boy in the eye. "I know how much you want to help, but we've trained for this. We can handle them."

"Like you did last night?" Craig spat back. Percy jerked back in surprise. "I'm the only one who's fought them off before. And if I don't go..." Craig forced the words out, "...they'll kill him." He looked Percy right in the eye, "I have to do it."

Annabeth touched Percy's shoulder. "It makes sense." She said reluctantly. "If Craig has dealt with these things before, we should bring him."

"Then we'll go too!" Laura announced.

"Us too!" Tweek's dad said suddenly. "We're going with you."

A stunned silence followed.

"Richard..." Craig's mom hesitated. "I know how much you want to help, but..."

"But nothing. This is our son. We have as much of a right to go as you do." Helen said firmly.

"Do you even have any combat experience?" Asked Jason.

"You could say that." Mr. Tweak drawled.

"We've protested against police brutality and been caught in a few different riots." Mrs. Tweak chimed in. "I aim better with a brick, Richard throws like a girl."

"We sabotaged a logging company once. We snuck in late at night and used industrial strength glue to jam all the machinery and wrecked the engines of their vehicles." Tweek's dad sounded absurdly proud of himself. "Those people need to learn to respect the environment."

"I've been arrested 11 times for protesting," Tweeks mom said calmly. "Richard's been arrest 8 times."

"Nine!" Her husband protested.

"Little Rock doesn't count, they thought you were drinking so they just threw you in the drunk tank overnight."

"It's still being taken away by police!"

"It's not on your record though!"

Craig stared at them in disbelief as they bickered. But, Tweek's parents were just a couple of hippies who hated big corporations, talked about meditating, were strictly vegan (although they allowed Tweek to remain vegetarian) and acted like they were living in a commune in the 1960s. When did they get to be so cool?

"Enough." Nico said flatly. "I can't take everybody. I'll only take the other demigods, including Craig." He hesitated, then nodded to himself. "And the Tweaks can come as well."

"No way!" Craig's dad exploded. "Not without us you don't!"

"But I can't take everybody!" Nico snapped. "They have a right to come. You have another kid here; you need to stay with her!"

Craig hesitated, then took each of his parents by one arm. "He's right. You need to stay here."

"Craig..." His mom began.

Craig cut her off. "I can fight these things. I can save Tweek. But not if I have to worry about you while we're fighting."

"But..."

"If you come, you'll get me killed!" His parents looked pained, and his mom looked like she wanted to argue more, but his dad touched her arm. They had a silent conversation for a moment.

Craig took a deep breath. "Promise me you'll stay here."

His parents reluctantly nodded.

The demigods went back their hotel room to check out and get the rest of their stuff; Annabeth even arranged for a book of Incan mythology to be delivered by Hermes Express, so they could try to figure out who Craig's divine father was. The Tweaks left to load up on supplies of their own, including food. Meanwhile, Craig called the rest of his friends and made sure they were all safe. 

As the demigods were driving back to Craig's house, Jason suddenly slammed on the brakes; and they were all thrown forward into their seatbelts as the car screeched to a stop.

"Jason, what the-" Percy started before seeing what Jason had seen. He stared open-mouthed. "Mysterion?!"

The boy grinned and waved at them, then walked over and leaned in through the open window, his head right in front of Will. "What's up?"

"You...you died! How...?" Will managed before Nico lunged over him, grabbing the boy's hands.

"I can feel the death on you." Nico said in wonder.

The boy shrugged. "Like I said, immortal fourth grader. I die, then come back. I have to say, it hurts getting your throat torn out but at least it's quick! And at least you guys can remember it, most people forget once I'm back."

They stared at him. He shrugged again, his cape billowing in the breeze. "So what's happening?"

Mysterion wouldn't admit it, but the looks on the demigods faces were priceless. None of them seemed to know what to do.

Suddenly Percy started rolling the window up. "We'll be right with you." Mysterion watched in amusement as they frantically whispered to each other; it was hilarious seeing these older kids, these demigods, totally confused and trying to figure him out. With a grin, he leaned back against a mailbox and watched them fight it out.

When the window reopened, Mysterion went back over. "All good now?" He asked.

Percy studied him. "Have you ever been to Peru? We have to go there to fight the guinea creatures and rescue somebody."

"Oh not again!" He moaned; the demigods all looked surprised and he suddenly realized he had spoken as Kenny, not Mysterion. He quickly tried to get back to the deep, raspy growl he used as Mysterion. "I mean, uh, not again." He shook himself. "So, who needs rescuing?"

They made a strange crew. Two adults who seemed to walk the fine line between hippies and hardcore activists. The sons of Poseidon and Jupiter, both tall and strong but still teenage boys. A son of Apollo, who was, fittingly, almost the personification of sunshine. The son of Hades, dark and brooding to the point the Goth kids would probably worship him. A daughter of Athena, brilliant and stern. A 10 year old immortal fourth grader. And Craig. 

He and the demigods had spent some time studying maps of Peru, and Craig was able to identify approximately where they had landed last time, where they found the giant creatures and that weird temple, and where they had found the statue and defeated the guinea pirate. After some discussion, they had decided to go to the statue first.

The Tweaks had brought along a large hiking backpack of supplies, and the demigods all had their weapons; Craig felt a bit embarrassed that he just had some spare clothes with him. After saying goodbye to his family and petting Stripe again, he looked at the others expectantly. "How do we get to Peru?"

"Just hold on tight." Nico ordered. As they all linked arms he pulled them into the garage, then lunged towards the shadow made by the tool chest. Craig gripped tightly onto Mr. Tweak and Will as they entered the shadow.. 

It was like nothing Craig had ever experienced before. They seemed to be flying through a dark tunnel, so dark he couldn't make out his own arms. He clung desperately to the others; he had the sickening feeling that if he let go they'd lose him and never find him. The speed alone was maddening; it was felt as though the skin would start to peel from his face soon, or that his skeleton would be torn out of his flesh.

Without warning, they stumbled out of the shadows and into the light again. It felt like an eternity, but a glance at his watch showed Craig that hardly any time had passed at all. Nico staggered from the effort, but Mysterion seemed surprisingly unperturbed. Will hurried over and put Nico's arm on his shoulder, helping to support him.

Suddenly, the statue from last time stood in front of Craig , and his eyes instinctively sought out the square he had stood on the first time he had experienced his powers.

Craig walked over to the square , and as soon as he stepped on the ancient platform, Jason pointed at him. "Look!"

The other demigods gasped, and the Tweaks stared in awe. Even Mysterion looked stunned. Craig looked around in confusion. "What is it?"

"Above you!" Jason exclaimed. 

When Craig looked up, his mouth fell open. The image of what looked like a golden sun was hovering right above his head. Even as it slowly started to fade, he felt a surge of warmth coming from the hologram. 

Annabeth quickly pulled out her book and flipped through it, then nodded. "Inti. The sun God, protector of his people. Source of all warmth and light." She knelt, and the other demigods followed her example. "Hail Craig, child of Inti, God of the Sun."


	7. A Hiking Trip Through Peru

As the symbol above his head vanished, Craig looked around at the kneeling demigods, at Mysterion staring at him silently. Finally, he looked up at the statue. As the older kids got to their feet again, he walked over to the golden statue . "Is this Inti?" Craig asked flatly.

Annabeth followed him to the statue, flipping through her book. "Yes."

Craig nodded. He stared at the large statue one last time, then grabbed a rock and threw it straight at the head.

"HEY ASSHOLE, GET DOWN HERE!"

"Whoa! Craig, that's really not a good idea!" Jason shouted, but Craig ignored him.

"YOU GOT MY MOM PREGNANT, YOU GOT ME DRAGGED TO PERU, YOU GOT MY BOYFRIEND KIDNAPPED! AND I'M SUPPOSED TO SMILE AND SAY 'THANKS FOR ACKNOWLEDGING ME, DAD'?!" The Tweaks watched curiously, Mysterion grinned appreciatively, and the demigods stood frozen in absolute horror. "WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?! THIS IS WHY YOUR EMPIRE FAILED, YOU STUPID SON OF A BIMMPPH!" Jason finally snapped out of it and shot forward like a cannon, clamping a hand firmly over Craig's mouth in the middle of his tirade. Craig responded by flipping the statue off; Jason immediately picked the boy up and hurried off to the side with him.

"Not a good idea, dude!" Percy hurried forward as Craig struggled in Jason's arms. "The Gods may cause problems but they're still Gods!" The Tweaks seemed torn between amusement and surprise at Craig's tirade, but made no move to interfere. "When you openly disrespect them like that they'll answer, and it won't be pretty."

Craig struggled to break free, but Jason held onto him firmly. After a few more minutes Craig finally gave up and stopped struggling. Jason hesitated; then very cautiously released him.

With a final glare at the statue, Craig turned around. "So what's our next move? They're not here." No sooner were the words out of his mouth when loud roars and snarls erupted around them in the valley. In a flash Craig was running around, staring around the statue anxiously. "TWEEEAAAAAK!!!!!!!" He shouted, hoping to hear his boyfriend nearby. Mysterion looked stunned at the display of emotion, and even the Tweaks looked shocked.

Jason clamped a hand over his mouth again. "SHHH!" He hissed. "We don't know what's out there yet."

Craig struggled desperately. If Tweek was there, he had to know. He stared out into the valley, hoping to see a flash of blond hair.

Instead, to his surprise, another guinea creature appeared; this one was a guinea spider, with eight legs and venom dripping from its teeth. Annabeth stepped back, looking afraid, and Percy stood in front of her.

"Craig...how good to see you." The creature hissed.

"Where's Tweek? What do you want?" Craig demanded angrily.

"We sensed your friends coming." The creature looked at the demigods. "Come to the temple, ALONE. We'll let him go if you stay." The creature followed up by spitting venom out; it landed on Mysterions ratty shoe, and he kicked it off in a panic as it melted. The demigods pulled out their weapons, but before they could a brown stream fired from behind them; the creature screamed in pain as its fur and legs steamed wherever it it. Howling, it turned and fled.

Everybody slowly turned around. The Tweaks stood there, holding two...they looked sort of like water guns but they had tubes leading into their hiking bag.

"What the..." Jason started.

"Coffee guns." Mr. Tweek answered calmly. "We came up with them after we got pepper sprayed during a protest rally against police brutality a few years ago. The tanks are heated to keep the coffee hot. I've always wanted to test them."

Mrs. Tweek, meanwhile, was digging through the pack. After a moment, she pulled out a pair of hiking boots. "Here, sweetheart, put these on." She held them out to Mysterion. "I brought these in case Tweek needed them, but you can't run around barefoot. You and Tweek look about the same size."

Mysterion looked sort of stunned, but he kicked off his other shoe and pulled on the boots. "They fit fine, thanks." His voice quavered; he seemed surprisingly emotional about the boots.

After a moment of silence, Craig reached a decision. "Well, that's it then. You all stay here." His tone left no room for argument.

"Wait!" The Tweaks interjected. "We're going with you. We have to find our son!"

"You can't. You heard what that thing said." Craig resisted the urge to roll his eyes; Tweek's parents were hard enough to deal with when he was in a good mood.

"Yes, but...hang on a second." Annabeth cut in. All eyes looked at her. "When we were looking for you in South Park, we couldn't find you; something was blocking you. We figured out later it was Mysterion." They all looked at the masked boy standing off to the side. "Right now you're surrounded by demigods, they could sense you. If some of us stay here and guard the statue, he would probably shield the rest."

"You're suggesting we split up?" Will asked in surprise.

"Yes." She was obviously thinking it through as she spoke. "Craig, you need to go. So does Mysterion to shield how many of you there are. Nico...you need to go with them in case they need to shadow-travel to safety and you can bring them back here once they're done at the temple. Do you think he can shield you?"

"Maybe." Nico answered, looking at Mysterion. "The aura of death around him is pretty powerful, so they might miss me completely."

"Ok. So you go with him, and Will-"

"I go where Nico goes." Will insisted. 

"Fine. So you, Mysterion, Nico and the Tweaks can go with Craig. The Tweaks are mortal, so the creatures shouldn't even notice them. Mysterion should shield the others enough that they'll only sense enough energy for one demigod. Jason, Percy and I will stay here; our combined auras should make them think you've left everybody behind. How does that sound?"

Peru hadn't changed much since the last time Kenny was here. They trudged along the plains quietly; Craig was typically silent, while the Tweaks were focused solely on their son. The other two kept bickering playfully with each other, but he was tuning them out. Kenny stepped over a plant idly, his mind still on the hiking boots and his cape billowing in the slight breeze.

He wasn't used to being looked after. His father was a drunk, his mom tried her best but more often than not was either fighting with his dad or too tired to really do much of anything, Kevin did nothing but smoke weed and get into fights, and what little money they ever managed to save inevitably went to drugs, booze or bail; at 10, Kenny was used to being the man of the house, taking care of himself and looking after Karen. Even at his friends' houses their parents usually didn't worry about him aside from feeding him. The idea of parents who took the trouble to not only bring extra shoes in case they were necessary, but gave them to a random kid just because he needed them, was mind-blowing.

"We should stop for a few minutes." Mr. Tweak said suddenly, looking around at a pile of boulders. "Let's catch our breath and recharge."

As the group sat down carefully, Mrs. Tweak pulled out protein bars and water bottles and started passing them around. Kenny bit into his gratefully. Mr. Tweak was studying some of the nearby plants and gathering berries. "These ones are safe to eat. I'll pack some in a bag as well for later."

"Tweek's a lucky kid." Nico mused. "His parents are really on top of things."

Craig's head whipped around. "WHAT?!"

"Look at them. They really have things under control and they even had extra supplies on hand. They're good parents. That's rare in my world."

Kenny bit his lip to keep from laughing at Craig's expression. His opinion of the Tweaks was notorious; he never stopped complaining about how they made Tweek work at the coffee shop with them all the time. His eyes flew down to the boots again; they were warm and comfortable and fit him well. Maybe they were better parents than Craig had led him to believe.

  
"Here we go." Craig studied the abandoned helicopter; it was still in reasonable condition. "The Land of the Giants Lost World isn't too far from here, and it's not that long after that until we reach the temple."

"We should stay here overnight." Mr. Tweak suggested. He fought with the helicopter and managed to get the door open. "It looks fairly clean in here, just a bit dusty. It's better than sleeping out in the open. Let's camp out here and set out in the morning."

"We should keep going." Craig insisted. "The sooner we get there the better."

"If we do that, we'll show up exhausted and we won't be much use in a fight." Nico responded. "It makes more sense to stay here tonight."

"That's not good enough!" Craig snarled. Turning, he started to storm off...

A hand gripped his shoulder. He spun around and found himself face to face with Mr. Tweak. "What?!" He snarled, too furious and worked up to pretend to be polite.

"Stop it." Mr. Tweak's voice had lost the dreamy, spaced out quality it usually had. "Don't think for a minute you're the only one who cares about Tweek."

"Oh, don't pretend you give a damn." Craig snapped. "You just use him a slave in your store; you don't even care about him."

Mr. Tweak froze. His eyes blazed with fury. For the first time, Craig felt almost afraid of him. He seemed on the verge of losing it, and closed his eyes, breathing carefully; Craig noted that he was using techniques similar to Tweek when his boyfriend was trying to concentrate, and for the first time he started to realize where his boyfriend got his ADHD from.

When he opened his eyes again, Mr. Tweak looked calmer, but still angry. "I have Tweek in our store because I like having him around. I have the store because I wanted to give him a future that wasn't just running from commune to commune. I gave up protesting for him. I'm a strict vegan, but I allow him to make his own dietary choices. I let him practice whatever religion he wants. I'm in Peru right now because if there's even a slight chance we can save him I have to take it." He closed his eyes again and took another calming breath, then opened his eyes. "Don't think for a second you're the only person here who would die for Tweek."

Craig stared in disbelief at the man, feeling very ashamed.

When they returned, Mrs. Tweak had managed to arrange some blankets into makeshift beds in the large helicopter; Mr. Tweak was able to dust off and detach some of the seat cushions for pillows. The berries Mr. Tweak had gathered earlier were sitting out along with more protein bars, and Craig took some food with a stab of embarrassment; he was still ashamed of his conversation with Mr. Tweak. Once everybody had eaten and done what they needed to in the bushes, the Tweaks managed to shut the helicopter door again. As a shelter, it wasn't bad. It had started to get dark, and Mrs. Tweak had pulled out a small lantern for light.

Taking a blanket and cushion, Craig made his way to the other end of the chopper; he didn't want to be around others right now. He was still ashamed of his fight with Mr. Tweak earlier and worried sick about Tweek.

To his surprise, Nico came over a few minutes later by himself. "You Ok?"

Craig stared at the dark, brooding boy. Anybody else would get a sarcastic answer, but in the brief period of knowing him he had realized he and Nico were kind of similar. "I'm worried about Tweek." He admitted.

Nico nodded. "I am too." Craig was surprised at that. Nico sat down carefully next to him. "I've known too many demigods who didn't come back from their fights not to worry; even knowing how capable my friends are I can't stop thinking about them back by the statue." 

Craig nodded, then, to his own surprise, he started talking about his relationship. He didn't even tell Clyde and Token about his feelings towards Tweek beyond generalities. "It's funny, you know? The Asian girls at school suddenly decided to draw us together as a couple and we sort of got forced into dating." He remembered with wonder those early days, those weird moments where they would sit together expecting an awkward silence and found out that they actually had a lot in common. "We tried to fake breaking up, but I couldn't sleep I felt so bad and..." he shrugged helplessly. "I guess that's when I realized I liked him for real."

"I get that." Nico agreed quietly. "If there's one person here who knows what it's like to be in love with their total opposite, it's me." Their eyes went to Will, who was currently fussing over Mrs. Tweak's leg; she had cut it on a piece of metal and Will was talking to her about her vaccinations while disinfecting it. After a moment, Nico continued. "That's the life of a demigod. You're going to find yourself in ridiculous situations sometimes; you probably attracted Aphrodite's attention and she decided to set you two up together."

Craig didn't know what to say to that. As Nico shifted, Craig suddenly spoke again. "Was it hard for you two to get together?"

Nico seemed to consider the question. "My history is fairly bad, but a lot of it was me pushing everybody away; I was convinced that they all hated me, and that it would be even worse to admit the truth." He sighed. "When Jason found out, he finally convinced me to stop hiding away. Then Will..." He smiled slightly. "He decided we were friends and wouldn't take no for an answer. When I tried to distance myself, he basically ordered me to be his friend. We got together from there."

Craig nodded, thinking. This was the only time he'd ever met somebody openly with a boyfriend. Finally, he asked the question that had been on his mind from that first day he and Tweek held hands. "Do you ever wish you were straight?"

Nico looked thoughtful. "For the first few years, I did. I used to pray to my father and to Aphrodite to fix me." He began fidgeting with a ring on his finger. "Jason was the first to ever find out, and I thought I would have to defend myself, but he just told me it was fine, that he was my friend, and that I'd have all the support I could ever ask for. When I first confessed to Will...I was ready to flee for my life. Instead I wound up with a boyfriend and happier than I've ever been." His hand let go of his ring and he brushed the hair out of his face absently. "It took me weeks before I convinced myself I wasn't dreaming. Now, I wouldn't change anything."

Late that night, Craig woke up to the sound of a bird somewhere. At first he tried to get back to sleep, then he realized it was inside the helicopter. He quietly looked over...and froze.

Mrs. Tweak was huddled on the floor, Mr. Tweak holding her tightly. They were clearly visible in the moonlight, and Craig could hear her speaking quietly. None of the demigods appeared to wake up. 

"I want him back, Richard. I want him in my arms. I keep thinking of everything they might be doing to him. What if they don't let him live? What if they kidnap us too? This is so much pressure." She whimpered the last part, sending a jolt through Craig; if Tweek had inherited ADHD from his dad, he got his anxiety from his mom.

"We'll get him back, Helen. We've never lost a kid yet." Richard soothed her. She gave a small laugh through her tears. "What can we do now?"

"We can go get him."

"By ourselves? We won't survive."

"We'll bring the demigods with us!" Helen was getting more animated as she talked herself through it, though she still stayed quiet.

"Maybe Craig too." Richard encouraged her.

"Yes!"

"But it's so dark out, we don't know what's out there."

"First thing tomorrow!" She insisted.

"So we're doing the right thing, aren't we? We'll get him back."

She smiled through her tears. "Thanks, Richard."

  
The next morning was uneventful. They had a few more protein bars and the Tweaks made coffee, then refilled the tanks for their coffee guns and replaced the batteries in the heaters. Then they resumed walking, closing the helicopter behind them. Craig looked at Tweek's parents but there was no sign of last night on their faces, and he didn't dare bring it up himself.

  
"Here we go." Craig pointed at the forest. "This is the Land of the Giants Lost World. The last time I was here the military got eaten by giant bees." 

As they hurried through, following Craig as he retraced their steps, Mr. Tweak suddenly paused. "Look at the size of these coffee beans!" He marveled, taking a plant in his hands. He picked a few beans the size of footballs and managed to stuff them into the hiking bag. "Lucky we took the hiking boots out and made room for these!"

"Don't make too much noise." Craig advised. "There are giant creatures everywhere."

Mr. Tweak nodded. "I wonder if the beans are involved with that."

"What?" Craig asked.

"If the creatures are eating them, then being eaten by other creatures, the increase in caffeine and the jolts to the central nervous system would cause...well, it could account for the increase in size."

Will pulled out Annabeth's book and flipped through it. "It says here the Incas had a way to turn their soil into the best and most fertile soil in the world. If they did that here that could explain why everything is so large." He took some plants in his bag, then pulled out a small plastic bag and scooped up some dirt. "I'll show these to the Demeter cabin, see what they have to say about it."

Craig rolled his eyes. He was getting impatient; they were closer to Tweek with every step and Craig needed to see him, make sure he was OK. He couldn't care less about the plants and soil. "Let's keep going."

It wasn't too long before Craig saw it; the ruins of an ancient pyramid stood before them. He pointed at it. "That's it. They've got to be in there."


	8. Journey through the Temple of Guinea Pigs

As they walked in the entryway, Craig felt a rush of deja vu.

The pyramid hadn't changed since the last time Craig was here. The hallway was dark, but they could clearly see ancient coffins lining the walls; a few had broken open, revealing the mummies still wrapped inside. Images were carved into the walls; the sun and moon were featured prominently. 

As they entered the ancient hallway, there was no sign of life except for large footprints on the ground. The only illumination came from the small flashlights the Tweaks had brought, and only Craig was using one in case anything was keeping watch; they didn't want any guinea creatures or guards to see how many people were really there.

Craig suddenly stopped and raised his hand, pointing at the wall. "This is the prophecy wall we found last time."

Everybody crowded around to look. The wall clearly showed the previous invasion and Craig's defeat of the guinea creatures, and the involvement of...

"What are those?" Nico asked, pointing at groups in cages. They almost seemed to look like musical groups.

"Peruvian flute bands. Their music can chase the creatures away." Craig studied the pictures. "I wonder why they didn't show up this time." 

"Probably the creatures were more careful this time." Will suggested. "They didn't attack everywhere; they focused only on your town." He leaned forward, contemplating the wall. "We have an oracle who speaks prophecies, the Romans use rituals and read signs...the Incas must have had a shaman who recited this prophecy, and then they had someone carve it into this wall."

"It would have been nice of them to add the sequel as well." Mysterion growled. "It's probably in another temple somewhere." 

"Thanks again, Inti." Craig muttered, glaring at the ceiling. He took a final look at the mural; then turned to the others. "Let's keep going. We should get to a bridge soon. That's as far as we went last time."

This would be a great place for a meditation. Richard considered the silence, the strange peacefulness. The ancient stone walls held a thousand secrets; he was fascinated by this temple. If it weren't for the circumstances he'd suggest lighting a candle and finding their centers.

Beside him, Helen was taking calming breaths. He instinctively reached for her hand, trying to lend her his strength and showing a confidence he definitely didn't feel. He was worried sick about Tweek; his child was the absolute center of his life. He forced himself to focus on WHEN. WHEN they got Tweek back. The alternative was too horrific to...Richard had never been a violent person, aside from a few protests that got out of hand, but if those guinea creatures had hurt Tweek, he would personally tear this place apart brick by brick and bury the monsters alive in the rubble. He'd rip their giant teeth out with his bare hands.

His free hand closed into a tight fist as his conversation with Craig came back to him. He had been so close to losing control at that moment...he had never in his life laid a single hand on Tweek in punishment, but Craig had almost pushed him beyond his limits. The very idea that he didn't love Tweek...taking a deep breath, Richard forced his anger away. Later, once he had Tweek back, he'd sit down with both Tweek and Craig and talk things over, and once they got home they'd have a family meditation and align their energies together. Right now, it was time to focus. After a few more breaths, he opened his hand again.

His eyes scouted around the walls, trying to find any other prophecies. Beside him, Helen seemed to be in complete control of herself; now that they had a plan and were on the verge of resuing their son, her anxiety had been replaced by determination.

His thoughts were interrupted by the sound of rushing water. He hurried forward, accompanied by the others, and raced around the corner.

It was beautiful. Two stone statues, worn by the ages but still detailed and gorgeous, had water pouring out of their mouths and into a river below. A massive carved face was carved into the wall, pouring out more water; lit braziers gave it eyes of fire. Three wooden bridges lay across the river, with a stone landing in between them. At the end was a massive chasm with a stone bridge running over it. The entire room was illuminated by sunlight funneled in from a shaft high above their heads and massive braziers hung from the ceiling, their crackling fire adding to the light. Richard wondered vaguely who had lit them; did the creatures need light? Or was it some ancient Inca, long since dead, who had set them up and found a way to keep them burning? At the other end of the room was a large doorway, with footprints leading inside.

Beside him, Helen gasped at the sight. He leaned over. "It's too bad this is a rescue mission, we could make this a Christmas vacation." She snorted, trying not to laugh despite her fear. He put an arm around her shoulder. "We're close now; I can feel it in my bones. We'll get him back soon."

When they reached the first landing, Richard froze, staring at the ground. Helen gave a small cry and knelt, touching her fingers to the dirt. The imprint of a sneaker was clearly visible.

"Tweek..." She whispered. "We're coming, baby."

  
Nico paused behind them, letting them have their moment. "He's alive." He said encouragingly. "He's alive and he's here; let's keep going.

Craig kept moving, ignoring the Tweaks as he hurried down the bridge. "I wish we had gone further so I knew what was coming." He commented.

"We told you so." Mysterion growled. Craig spun, ready to punch him, but Mysterion held up his hands. Glaring, Craig flipped him off then resumed walking.

When they reached the bottom, Nico held up his hand, then slipped forward and peered around the arched doorway. The cavernous room beyond was obviously a sacrificial chamber; he could feel the aura of death, and an ancient altar of some kind stood on a dais. Behind it, a guinea pig was shuffling around, wearing a pirate hat of all things; there were a few other guinea pigs there, and it looked like they were arguing. There were several humans standing around too, in ancient armor and carrying spears or wearing swords.

Off to the side, below the dais, stood a wooden cage. Inside sat Tweek, cross legged with his hands spread out; it looked like he was meditating. Aside from that, Nico couldn't tell; they were too far away for him to see if they'd hurt him at all. He looked back at the others. "They're in here. Tweek's here too." 

"Is...is he..." Mrs. Tweak couldn't seem to get the words out. Mr. Tweak held her hand tightly, his face tense.

Nico nodded. "He looks all right." Both adults immediately relaxed, breathing heavily. "He's in a wooden cage off to the side. He looks like he's meditating." Craig breathed a sigh of relief. "There are some humans with spears, and some guinea pigs behind an altar. It looks like they're arguing, and for some reason one of them has on a pirate hat."

"That's the leader." Craig interjected. "That's who I fought last time."

"Right, the guinea pirate." Mysterion nodded. "I remember him; he was disguised as a Homeland Security officer last time. They said that he escaped, but we never heard another word about him after that."

Nico nodded. "All right, let's make a plan. We can't just charge in and hope for the best."

"Bring it on." Mysterion snarled.

"No." Craig's voice was firm. He hesitated as he thought it through, then looked at Nico. "Can you shadow-travel close to the cage?"

Nico looked into the door again, then nodded. "Yes. I won't be able to take everybody though, or I won't be able to get us out of here again."

"Ok." Craig considered. "If you can take one of the Tweak there to rescue Tweek, I'll go in and distract them. Mysterion and Will, you can stay here as backup. Once Tweek is safe, he and his parents can sneak out."

"Good plan." Nico hesitated. "Which of you wants to come?" He asked the Tweaks.

"Me." They said at once. Both looked at each other and had a silent conversation.

"Helen should go." Richard said reluctantly. "I'll wait here." He took the hiking bag off and gave it to his wife.

Craig nodded. "As soon as you have Tweek, get out of here. Don't slow down for anything."

Mysterion and Will got into position on either side of the door; Will had a bow and arrow ready while Mysterion was prepared to just charge in. Craig took a deep breath, then marched inside towards the dais.

"Listen up, fuckers, I am all out of fucks to give, so shut the fuck up, give me back my fucking boyfriend, and crawl back into your fucking holes before I fucking rip your fucking teeth out!"

Nico's eyes widened; what the hell were the Tuckers teaching their kids?! Shaking himself, he took Mrs. Tweak by the hand and pulled her into the shadows.


	9. Fur is Murder

Tweek took several deep breaths and closed his eyes again.

He was surrounded by puppies playing with each other. Craig sat nearby, smiling contentedly while Stripe slept in his hands. A gentle breeze flowed over them, bringing with it the smell of coffee, while water crashed against the shore in the distance. Tweek breathed in and out carefully, enjoying the serenity he was feeling. 

Suddenly the image of his parents flashed into his mind. His father crashing to the ground, his mother screaming...Tweek’s eyes snapped open. He stared around him in despair.

The cage was made of wood bound together with thick rope; another rope was wrapped around the door as a lock and tied tightly in a knot. Unfortunately it was positioned in a way that kept him from being able to try to untie it, and his efforts to break out of the cage had been useless. On his third attempt, one of the people had threatened to tie him up if he didn't stop it and he was too scared to go any further. He had spent most of his time meditating since his kidnapping, trying to keep his center, but his fear for his friends and parents kept pulling him back to reality. At least the creatures had fed him; the humans had gardens of vegetables so Tweek was able to eat things like potatoes and avocados, but he had never gone this long without coffee and was starting to lose it. His hands were shaking worse than normal and he was twitching madly when he wasn't meditating. His throat was dry and screamed for caffeine.

Craig was coming for him. That's what kept him sane; Craig knew he was here, and Craig would save him.

His friends flashed into his mind again. Clyde, so caring and friendly; Token, so warm and sensible; Jimmy, so strong and funny. Were they even alive? What had happened to the town?

Craig was alive. That much he knew. That was what kept him going. Craig would come for him.

"Listen up, fuckers, I am all out of fucks to give, so shut the fuck up, give me back my fucking boyfriend, and crawl back into your fucking holes before I fucking rip your fucking teeth out!"

At the sound of Craig's voice, Tweek scrambled up, looking through the cage desperately. "CRAIG!!" He screamed. Craig's eyes locked onto his for a moment and he took a step towards Tweek; regaining control of himself, he spun towards the creatures. 

"Let. Him. Out. NOW!!!!"

  
_4 Months ago_

_The water splashed beneath their boots. Torrential rain poured down on them from the sky like they were in the shower. Tweek wasn’t wearing a hat and his blond hair was soaking wet. Craig’s blue chullo hadn’t even been remotely helpful; he had given up and stuffed it in his jacket pocket, reasoning that it was better to have wet hair then to have a soaking wet hat pouring water down his back._

_Tweek was almost dancing as he went down the street, pulling Craig along eagerly. He stopped at the intersection and sniffed the air, smiling gently. _

_“What are you smelling?” Craig asked, curious in spite of himself._

_“Everything!” Tweek sounded more excited than Craig had ever heard him. “Smell it, Craig!”_

_Obediently Craig sniffed the air. It smelled like water and pavement more than anything. _

_“I love going out in the rain.” Tweek explained, resuming his walk. “You can smell so much more, see the earth growing around us. Look!” He pointed excitedly at a garden. “If they planted any seeds, they’ll start growing now. The flowers are going to bloom.” _

_Craig looked at the patch of dirt, bemused. “Ok.” _

_Tweek grinned widely as he approached the next house. “They just mowed! Smell that!” He inhaled deeply. Craig followed suit; he had to admit the smell of freshly cut grass was nice._

_Tweek spent the day acting like a personal tour guide, pointing out the birds in the rain, the worms in the grass, giving Craig a running commentary. They finished up in the coffee shop drying off with towels from Tweek's parents while they drank hot chocolate and watched the rain. Their jeans were soaking wet too, so they sat on even more towels; at least their raincoats had kept their shirts dry._

_A piece of a poem he had read a while ago popped into Craig's head and he smiled at Tweek. _  
_"Rain was the first thing. The great lizards snapped at the rain. _  
_The parrots would cackle. And the flying fish of the sky_  
_Rowed their way, screaming, through rain."_

_Tweek stared at him with wide eyes. "Did you make that up?" He asked in awe._

_"It's by some dead Norwegian guy." Craig explained, suddenly embarrassed. "I read it a while ago and it felt right.” _

_"I didn't know you liked poetry." Tweek seemed amazed by it. _

_Craig fought to keep from blushing. "Don't tell anybody."_

_"I won't, I promise." Tweek seemed to think about it. "It sounds like you. You were like the lizards first and didn't like the rain. Now you're a fish like me!"_

_Craig smiled, feeling better. Tweek took his hand as they watched the rain together._

  
It took everything Craig had not to charge at that cage. For all his anxiety, Tweek was a free spirit; he loved wandering through town or relaxing in the grass somewhere. He hated being cooped up. Their walk through the rain flashed into his mind; even in terrible weather Tweek couldn't stand staying inside. He didn't belong in a cage, locked away from the world. 

"Did you hear me?!" He demanded. "LET HIM GO!!!"

"Of course." The guinea pirate purred. "All you have to do is surrender yourself to us."

"I'm here, aren't I?"

"Come up here. Lay down on the altar. Let us bind you to it. Do that; and we'll let the boy go."

Craig hesitated. "Why are you doing this to me?!" He demanded.

"We helped wipe out the Inca, but their gods survived. This temple used to be dedicated to Inti; spilling his son's blood on the altar will be the final desecration needed to destroy this ruin. At long last we'll defeat him for good!" The guinea pirate laughed maniacally.

Craig resisted the urge to roll his eyes and tried to buy time. He stepped forward slowly; the human guards moved out of his way, lining the route to the altar.

"How do I know that you'll let him go?"

"We promise."

"NO! Swear it to me!"

"Fine. We swear on our fur and teeth that if you come up and willingly lay yourself on the altar, we'll let him out of the cage."

Craig's eyes narrowed. He caught that loophole easily enough; they hadn't promised to let him go, just take him out of the cage. They were planning to kill Tweek regardless.

  
As they emerged from the shadows, Nico gripped Helen for support. He was going to need to sleep for hours once they were out of here, before they went back for the others. 

As Helen gave the tiniest gasp when she saw her son, Nico pulled out a small knife and handed it to her; she frantically began cutting through the ropes. His eyes flew over the boy, but aside from being dirty he seemed physically OK. He wished he could have brought Will to do an examination, but he didn't want to risk bringing more than one person and the Tweaks needed their son. He felt a rush of affection of them; it was nice to see such devoted parents.

  
A sudden sound came from behind him and Tweek whirled around. At the sight of his mother, his heart soared; she had a nasty bruise on her chin, but she was alive! He put his hands over his mouth to keep from screaming as she quickly cut through the ropes and pulled a few boards out. Tweek hurled himself out of the cage and into her arms. She gripped him tightly, both trying not to cry.

Richard crept forward. He couldn't bear not knowing. Trying to stay in the shadows, he peered into the room. Behind him, he could see Will and Mysterion gesturing for him to stay back, but he ignored them.

It felt like a thousand pounds were lifted off of him when he saw Tweek in Helen's arms. He sighed with relief, feeling the weight lift of him. His son was safe. His heart almost sang as Helen put Tweek down and started leading him to safety, still holding his hand.

Richard suddenly tripped, only now realizing that he was walking towards his family. His hand hit the wall loudly to catch himself, sending small rocks cascading to the ground.

The guinea creatures’ heads snapped up, focusing on him.

Helen gasped when she realized Richard had been seen. Instinctively, she started towards him, and accidently kicked another rock; it hit the brazier nearby with a loud clang. All eyes went to her. Beside her, Tweek froze in fear. Nico's hand flew to his sword.

The guinea pirate roared with fury. "KILL THEM ALL!!!"

Everything seemed to happen at once. The human guards began charging, both at the entrance and towards Tweek. Nico pulled his sword out and gestured, calling on his powers, and with thunderous cracks the ground split open in small holes. Ancient mummies came to life, crawling out of the ground and going on the attack. Arrows flew from the entrance as Will opened fire, while Mysterion charged straight ahead.

The guinea creatures roared and headed straight for Craig; he fired his lasers at them. As always, he could still see clearly; the sparks flying out of his eyes were annoying but it just made it look like everything had a bluish tint. While he kept blasting them, the creatures struggled to regroup. The guinea pirate leapt over the altar towards him while the other two came around each side; Craig managed to punch the pirate directly in its large nose. As as it reared up, he scrambled underneath the creature, punching everything he could reach until he got out the other side. While the creatures turned, Craig leapt on top of the altar. As soon as he did, he felt an immense power surge through him.

"ABOMINATIONS!" He roared. "DESTROYERS OF TRUTH AND LOVE! FOR ALL YOUR CRIMES AGAINST THE INCA, NOW SHALL YOU ANSWER! MY VENGEANCE HAS COME! FACE JUDGEMENT ALMIGHTY!!!"

Everything seemed to freeze for an instant. Craig was totally shocked; that hadn't been him speaking. The shock quickly vanished and was replaced by annoyance; he was getting really sick of having Inti interfere constantly and not particularly helpfully. He silently sent up a prayer: "Hey jackass, either get down here and help or shut the fuck up!" A blast of the lasers. "Do you have any idea how much of a douchebag I sounded like?" A punch to the pirate's nose. "What the hell is wrong with you?!"

As the guinea creatures flailed and scrambled, he took a second and looked around the room.

Tweek and Helen each had one of those coffee guns, and were holding back a few of the guards; whenever coffee hit them, the guards screamed in agony.

Nico's sword slashed and twirled as he took a particularly large guard head on; his mummies were fighting it out with some of the other guards and crawling over the other two guinea creatures, who were roaring and trying to shake them off.

Mysterion was surrounded, but was easily holding his own, throwing the guards around with shadows and calling up those skelatal arms again to slash at them before using his shadows to fly through the crowd and kicking a guard back, trying to get to the altar.

Richard and Will were hurrying through the battlefield, heading straight for Tweek; Will was firing arrows as he went, while Richard was grabbing rocks off the floor and throwing them.

Gritting his teeth, Craig hit the creatures with his lasers again. They didn't seem to be as effective for some reason, but they were obviously still hurting the guinea pigs.

Will raced forward through the crowd, Richard alongside him. Nico must have seen them coming, because several mummies surrounded them and helped clear a path. They made it to Tweek and Richard immediately wrapped his arms around his son. Will quickly checked Tweek over, but aside from some bruising and his nerves the boy was physically OK and could walk. That was a start.

"We need to help Craig!" Tweek shouted, firing another coffee blast at the guards.

"WE need to help Craig!" Nico corrected. "You and your parents need to get out of here!" He swung his sword and took down one of the guards. Will was shooting arrows into the crowd surrounding Mysterion.

"We can't leave him!" Tweek protested.

"We won't." Richard promised. He looked around; most of the fighting was in the middle of the room or centered around the altar. "I'll stay here. You and mom, go out that door and out to the jungle." He looked at Helen. "Head back to the helicopter. If we're not there by tomorrow, leave without us."

"I'm not leaving you!" She hissed. 

"Oh yes you are. Save our son!"

She looked down at Tweek, then reluctantly nodded. Taking the backpack off, she gave it to him. "Come back alive." She whispered, touching his face gently.

Richard pulled out both coffee guns, noting with unhappiness they were running low on ammunition; he'd have to make each shot count. Together, Will and Richard headed for the altar while Nico ran to help Mysterion. They raced up the stairs and past the altar, and Richard pointed to a golden statue against the back wall; the two headed there, Richard firing coffee at the guinea pirate on his way by.

  
The mummies were surprisingly agile as they battled the guards; some were even using their wrapping as weapons to choke the humans or catch their hands. Their dry, dead faces howled as they attacked. Nico's sword glowed purple as he slashed and hacked at the guards, using the mummies to attack from all sides. Taking advantage of the confusion, Mysterion used his powers to turn into a shadow and slip to the other side, kicking some of the guards into each other. Together, he and Nico made it to the stairs leading up to the dais and Nico called his mummies to hold the line at the bottom of the stairs; the guards were neatly blocked from getting atop the dais. Taking a brief second to catch their breath, the boys watched as Helen and Tweek went out the doorway; at least those two were safe. Mysterion nodded with satisfaction; at least one part of the plan had worked.

Mysterion's thoughts were interrupted by a dried mummy head flying past him and disintegrating as it hit the stairs. Another mummy howled as its arm broke off, and Nico ducked as a guard threw it at him. Mysterion and Nico braced themselves and returned to the fight.

Will and Richard stared at the statue. It wasn't as big as the one they had found when they first got to Peru, but it was definitely Inti; a golden bowl rested at the statue's feet. Annabeth's book lay open as they tried to translate the different characters. Behind them, they could hear the fight raging on.

"It's a prayer." Richard said suddenly. 

"That makes sense." Will agreed, studying the book. "It says here people made offerings to Inti before a sacrifice, and Inti would bless them."

"What kind of offerings?" 

"Plants, harvested crops, whatever was significant to them." Will studied the book. 

"WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU TWO DOING?!!" Craig's voice rang out.

"Praying!" Richard shouted back, ignoring the foul language. Suddenly inspiration hit him; he pulled off the backpack and dug into it, pulling out two of the football-sized beans he had collected earlier and put them in the bowl. Will pulled out a few gold coins and put them in the bowl as well. The two stared at it, trying to figure out their next move.

Will spoke first. "Inti, Lord of the Sun, your humble servants beseech you for help."

Nothing happened. The coins just sat uselessly in the bowl. Richard stared at it; why hadn't it worked? He thought for a second, then shrugged and just started talking. "Hi Inti. We're here with your son Craig. Incidentally, a boy should know his father. When I was a kid my father used to take me and my brothers out one at a time just to talk to us and get to know us. I learned a lot from him, and it's why I keep Tweek close to me." Richard chuckled. "When Tweek was a kid, I once told him-"

"STOP FUCKING BABBLING AND DO SOMETHING!!!" Craig's voice screamed out at him; a quick glance showed Richard that Craig seemed to be faltering and the creatures were getting closer to him. Richard shook his head; that boy needed to take up yoga.

"The point is, you're supposed to look after your children. I look after Tweek, and Craig's mom and adoptive father looked after him all his life. We're here because we need to be, but Craig is having a really difficult time right now. We could use your help here."

The bowl glowed suddenly; then the beans and coins were gone. Will cautiously picked up the ceremonial dagger that had appeared, while Richard lifted the shimmering shield with the image of the sun on it. It was bigger than Tweek, but surprisingly light.

Will looked at the small dagger uncertainly; the blade was sharp but short. It wouldn't do any good in a battle. "What are we supposed to do with this? It doesn't look like it's meant for fighting."

"Take it anyways, it must be good for something!" Richard encouraged him. They hurried back to the altar, and Richard thrust the shield in front of Craig; the creatures recoiled from it in a panic. Richard smiled with glee as the monsters hissed at it. This was like when he had gotten hold of a SWAT shield during a protest against a G8 meeting.

"Fur is murder!" He shouted at the creatures, using the shield to hide Craig while the boy fired his lasers again. 

Mysterion fought tooth and nail against the humans. Beside him, Nico's sword slashed and stabbed through the mob. Turning himself into a shadow, Mysterion flew through the crowd to the other side, kicking a guard directly into a mummy which eagerly grabbed and began to ravage him. Nico drove back another guard, and the two hurried up the stairs again. They got to the altar just as Mr. Tweak and Will returned; Richard shoved a shield in front of Craig and Mysterion and Nico quickly took advantage of the distraction and got behind the altar.

"What do we do?" Mysterion demanded. "These things are too strong!"

"They've desecrated the altar, that's probably giving them more strength." Will explained. "We'd have to sacrifice something on it to reverse the spell and restore the altar's strength."

Richard snapped his fingers. "That's why Inti gave you the dagger!" He called over his shoulder, still protecting Craig and holding the creatures at bay. He turned back just in time to see a guinea creature lunge and kicked it hard in the nose, then battered it with the shield and sending it backwards again.

"Great." Nico said unenthusiastically. "All we need to do is convince one of these things to lay on the altar so we can kill it."

Mysterion's eyes narrowed. "It has to be something dark, right? Darkness sacrificed to the light or something?"

Will flipped through his book. "That sounds about right. If we kill a creature of darkness on the altar, that should restore the temple to full power and take the rest of them out."

Mysterion nodded, then kicked Will as hard as he could. The teenager fell into Nico, and as they both stumbled backwards Mysterion grabbed the dagger. He shot forward, heading for the altar, and grabbed Craig, pulling him backwards off the thing. Richard tried to look behind him while holding the shield. "What's going on?" He shouted.

"What are you doing?!" Craig demanded angrily.

Mysterion ignored him and kicked off the hiking boots, throwing them at Craig. "Give these to Tweek!" With pure athletic ability he leapt forward, landing on the altar and dropped onto his back.

He could hear Nico, Will, and Craig screaming behind him. Mr. Tweak tried to turn again. "NO!" The man shouted. 

"Don't do it dude!" Craig shouted, his voice filled with horror. 

Mysterion ignored him and gripped the knife. "HAIL INTI!" He shouted, using his real voice. Then he drove the knife into his own neck. Blood poured out, over his fingers and down his body as his vision swam.

The pain struck him for a brief instant. Then there was nothing.

Craig screamed at the sight. Beside him, Will and Nico appeared frozen. Richard spun around, letting out a cry when he saw the small body laying dead on the altar. It was as if time itself froze for a moment; even the guinea creatures seemed stunned at Mysterion's sacrifice. The green question mark on Mysterion's head wobbled sadly, as if in mourning.

Craig's fists clenched. He felt the fires rising up within him, hotter and more furious than he had ever felt before. The altar suddenly glowed a brilliant golden yellow, and without even realizing what he was doing he stepped forward and stood directly behind it.

Richard spun with the shield, but Craig let loose. This time, the lasers were different. He blasted forward with all the fury in him, all his love for Tweek and his grief for Mysterion, his rage at the Tweaks and his worry for his friends, all in one giant attack.

The lasers shot out in a fiery rage. The human guards were thrown backwards, and the mummies were blown into pieces. The guinea creatures screamed, but it was more than fear or panic; it was agony. 

Craig focused his enraged blasts on the pirate. The smell of burned fur and charred skin filled the air as the creature screamed. The others were shrieking in fear and pain, and dimly Craig could hear their desperate pleas for mercy.

Craig didn't care.

  
Richard was transfixed. He stared in dull horror at the carnage in front of him, not knowing what to do. He could barely make out the forms of the guinea creatures, but he couldn't hear them anymore. He stepped forward and gently touched Craig's shoulder.

"Craig?" He said quietly. "They're dead, Craig."

The lasers vanished. After a single moment of horrified silence, the humans suddenly fled in a panic, almost trampling each other trying to get to the entrance and escape. Craig moved like he wanted to go after them, but Richard caught his shoulder gently.

All eyes flew to the altar. Mysterion's body was gone; destroyed by the blasts, no doubt. The remains of the guinea creatures almost made Richard sick. He was a pacifist and a vegan. He was a member of PETA and had protested against animal cruelty ever since he was a kid; at the same time, these things had kidnapped his son and tried to kill them all. He couldn't even begin to sort out how he felt; he badly needed a meditation, but it could wait until he caught up with Helen and Tweek.

Craig walked slowly over to the remains. Leaning down, he picked up the pirate hat. For a long moment he stared at it; then he threw it into a brazier and watched it burn. Finally he turned to face them all again. "Let's go home."

Will and Nico nodded in unison and they started down the stairs again. Richard stared at them; they seemed totally undisturbed by the absolute carnage around the room. He wondered how much death and destruction they had seen, and decided he didn't want to know.

Together, they all made their way out of the temple.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The verse Craig recited is part of a poem by Rolf Jacobsen. Thanks to Thistlepaw for suggesting and translating it for me!


	10. Human Affection and Godlike Confusion

As they left the temple, Nico stumbled and caught himself on Will's arm. Everybody turned to look at him. "Are you OK?" Richard asked.

"He's about to pass out." Will explained. "He used too much power in there."

"I'm fine." Nico snapped. Will didn't bother responding, but just moved behind Nico and held out his arms; a moment later Nico slumped into them. Will hoisted him up in a fireman’s hold. 

Richard stepped forward worriedly, but Will shook his head. "He'll be fine, he just needs to sleep. I'll carry him for a bit."

"I can take him if you need help." Richard offered.

Will nodded gratefully; he clearly didn't want to have to carry Nico the entire way through the jungle. "Thanks. We'll trade in a bit." 

Craig started forward, but a brilliant light suddenly erupted directly in front of them. He threw an arm over his eyes in a panic, expecting another attack. After a moment, the light faded. Craig slowly removed his arm, and found himself staring at a man.

He was taller than all of them, taller than Craig's dad even, and heavily muscled with olive skin. He wore an emerald green loincloth embroidered with an image of the sun, and on each arm was a thick armband made of gold and emeralds. An emerald and gold collar rested around his neck and over his shoulders, and on his head, he wore an immense golden crown shaped like the rising sun. It was studded with emeralds and with gold trailing down to imitate the rays of the sun; the crown seemed to glow with light. He smiled benevolently upon them.

"Craig." His voice was surprisingly gentle for somebody so huge. "My son. I am so proud of you."

"Inti?" Craig stared at the man. His father. Wearing a loincloth, of all things; couldn't he even get dressed for this? He was wearing a blinged out diaper, for fucks sake.

"Yes, my child."

"Where the FUCK have you been through all this?"

Behind him, Will choked, but Inti didn't seem to notice how furious he was, which enraged Craig even further. "I was not permitted to intervene. Even we Gods must obey certain rules."

"You could have warned me!"

"About what?" Inti looked genuinely puzzled.

Craig breathed in carefully, fighting the urge to kick Inti in the balls. "Anything! You could have warned me those things were coming back, or that they’d go after my boyfriend! You could have warned me that my powers were going to be weak in there! Or that my friend would have to commit suicide to stop those creatures!"

"Had the Inca been here still, I could have sent a prophecy. These creatures were instrumental in their defeat; they worked with Pizarro to bring down my people. Now, at long last, the Inca have been avenged." Maddeningly, Inti still sounded very calm.

Craig glared at him in frustration. "So why can't you just say 'hello' like a normal person? Haven't you heard of iPhones?"

"Eye-phones?" Inti looked bemused. He reached up and touched one of his eyes. "Is this a mortal thing?"

Obviously terrified of what Craig would say next, Will practically threw Nico at Richard; the man almost dropped the demigod in surprise and struggled to get a good grip while Will raced forward. "Thank you for the assistance, Lord Inti."

Craig glared at Will, but Inti smiled pleasantly. "It was my pleasure, particularly after your offering of coins and coffee beans. There is nothing better than offerings from your local area."

"Right?" Richard agreed, finally getting a good grip on Nico. "Local ingredients, made by local farmers, make the best food."

"You speak the truth, mortal."

"Oh FUCK no! I am not putting up with two of you!" Craig raged. "If you're just here to blather stupidly, you can get lost now."

Inti shook his head fondly. "I have come to offer you a reward. If what you ask is within my power, I will grant it."

Craig stared at the being, resisting the urge to ask Inti to punch himself. "Can you bring Mysterion back?"

Sadly, Inti shook his head. "I cannot. Darker powers than mine shield him from my powers of light. Though he worked well as a sacrifice to me."

"HE. WORKED. WELL?!!!" Craig snarled. "He was my friend! We went to school together, and he dropped everything to come help me when YOU couldn't be bothered. How DARE you talk about him like that?"

Inti still appeared calm. "Protective over those you love, caring for your friends so deeply. You are truly my son."

Craig was so angry he couldn't speak. Will quickly stepped in, probably afraid of what Craig might end up saying. "Can you restore Nico's strength?"

Inti shook his head again. "He is the child of another God. That would cause far more problems than it would solve."

"Then what good are you?!" Craig demanded.

Inti smiled gently. "I am very powerful, my child. But only here in Peru."

Craig stared at him; then finally gave up. "Can you shove your head inside your ass?"

"Why would I do that?" Inti sounded genuinely baffled.

Before Craig could answer, Richard suddenly spoke. "Can you bring us to my wife and son?"

Inti nodded. He snapped his fingers, and without any sensation of movement the entire world suddenly changed; they found themselves in the jungle just ahead of Tweek and his mom.

"Tweek!"

Tweek's head snapped up. "DAD!" He screeched, throwing himself into his father's arms. His mom came up behind them and wrapped her arms around them both, Nico awkwardly held between them and caught up in their group hug. All three cried with relief as they held each other.

Craig watched with a touch of envy. He and his parents loved each other, but it was more restrained; they never hugged or showed affection in public, and even in private they were as likely to flip each other off as to hug. He definitely liked it that way, but sometimes when he saw how free the Tweaks were; it made him wonder what he was missing.

"How did you get here so fast?" Tweek finally asked.

"Inti sent us." Mr. Tweak was still holding Tweek so he nodded off to the side; Tweek and Mrs. Tweak instinctively looked over at the God studying them curiously.

"Where's Mysterion?" Tweek asked suddenly, looking around.

Mr. Tweak hesitated. Disentangling himself, he turned and gave Nico back to Will, then knelt and took Tweek in his arms again and spoke quietly. Craig hurried over as his boyfriend started to cry and took his hand cautiously, trying to soothe him.

"Any chance you'd be willing to take us the rest of the way back to the rest of our friends?" Helen asked quietly, coming up behind them and putting a hand on Tweek's shoulder. Inti snapped his fingers again and they found themselves by the statue. Jason, Percy and Annabeth leapt up in surprise.

"We're back!" Mr. Tweak announced unnecessarily. "Jason, Percy, Annabeth, Will, this is my son Tweek."

"Tweek Tweak?" Percy repeated. 

Richard nodded calmly. "It suits him." Tweek flushed red, and Craig patted his shoulder sympathetically. "And this is Inti, God of the Inca." The demigods bowed respectfully to the God, then hurried forward and took Nico back from Will and lay him carefully on the ground, putting a backpack behind his head as a pillow.

"My child." Inti addressed Craig again. "Farewell, my son. I am always with-" 

"Shut up!" Craig snapped. "Also, didn't you promise me a reward of some kind?"

"I reunited you with your friends."

"That was THEM asking." Craig gestured at the Tweaks in annoyance. Richard looked at him sharply, but didn't say anything. Helen was too busy fussing over Tweek to pay any attention to what they were saying.

Inti paused. "What would you ask of me, my son?"

Craig gritted his teeth and was fully prepared to let loose when an idea occurred to him. He thought it through and took a deep breath.

"My powers damaged my home. I want money to replace and repair everything, and I want you to talk to my parents and apologize to them."

"I cannot leave Peru." Inti said regretfully. "In truth, I have longed to see you and your mother for several years now. When she came backpacking here, we met and I courted her. I offered her a palace to stay with me, but she chose to return to the United States and I was unable to follow her." He gestured and a hiking backpack appeared in his hands; he handed it to Craig, who opened it and stared at the stacks of American hundred dollar bills inside. "For your parents. And please, give your mother my regards."

Craig took the bag and looked back at Inti.

Inti nodded again. "Farewell my son."

"Yeah whatever. Suck on this, dude!" Craig dropped the bag of money to the ground and flipped Inti off with both hands. Behind him, he could hear Jason choking and Annabeth gasping.

Inti just looked confused. "You wish me to suck your fingers?"

"It's a human expression." Jason said quickly, stepping forward. "Pay it no mind."

"Hmm." Inti studied his hands. "Perhaps I'll show Quetzlcoatl."

"You do that." Craig said flatly. 

With a final kind smile, Inti vanished. There was a long moment of silence in his wake. Tweek still looked distraught.

"I liked him." Mr. Tweak announced.

"That's because he was just like you, dear." Mrs. Tweak responded fondly. "Except he was considerably more buff and he can probably throw better than you."

"I was fine in the fight!" Mr. Tweak protested. "Nico-wait, Will! Tell her!"

"He did okay." Will offered, before looking at Mr. Tweak. "Where did you come up with 'fur is murder' as a battle cry?"

"I used it when we threw red paint on people wearing fur during a protest at the Met Gala – back when Helen was still pregnant with you, Tweek."

"What?!" Tweek yelped, staring at his father in surprise; clearly he had never heard this story before. 

"Oh I remember that." Mrs. Tweak said dreamily. "That was our final major protest before we had you. It was our final goodbye to our activist lives."

Tweek's gaze snapped to his mother, looking even more shocked. "GAH! What?! What do you mean?!"  
  
"We've actually been planning to do another one for your 16th birthday." Mr. Tweak announced, beaming at his son. "We'll let you choose the cause, and get arrested together, as a family." 

“ARRESTED?!” Tweek sounded horrified by the idea. Craig stared in disbelief at his boyfriend's parents; his own parents had threatened to leave him in jail until his court date if he ever got picked up by the cops. The Tweaks actually WANTED to go to jail? When the FUCK did they get so cool?

"Remember when he was 6 and protested against decaf?" Mrs. Tweek chuckled. Tweek buried his face in his hands. 

“Oh Jesus…” He muttered. Craig stared at his boyfriend, imagining a tiny Tweek raging against substandard coffee; he still remembered the look on Tweek's face when Token had offered him tea instead, talking about how it was better than coffee. A smile crossed his usually expressionless face.

"That sounds so cute! Did you have a sign?"

"He just waved around a package of regular coffee while he chanted." Mr. Tweak answered fondly as Tweek growled and blushed hard, still hiding his face. "Hey ho, hey ho, decaf coffee's got to go!"

Mrs. Tweak joined in, the two of them chanting together. "Hey ho, hey ho, decaf coffee's got to go! Hey ho, hey ho, decaf coffee's got to go!"

Tweek was a magnificent shade of red. Luckily for his blood flow the Tweaks stopped. Craig was choking back his laughter, trying his best to be a supportive boyfriend. Finally he got himself under control, and Tweek reluctantly lowered his hands.

After a moment of silence, Annabeth's voice suddenly rang out. "Percy, stop that!”

Everybody looked to see Percy's guilty expression. Nico lay on the ground still, now sporting a magnificent handlebar mustache while Percy held his pen over the boy's face.


	11. Conversations, Meditations, and Reincarnations

Will wrapped a blanket around Nico, smiling at the ridiculous mustache Percy had drawn. "He's going to kill you." 

"He hasn't yet." Percy responded with a shrug. Mrs. Tweak knelt down next to Nico and helped tuck the blanket around him, then gently brushed the dark bangs off his face.

At the mention of killing, Craig felt pain in his chest. Annabeth, Percy and Jason apparently hadn't noticed that Mysterion was gone, and he figured he should be the one to tell them. "Guys..." The demigods all turned to look at him. "In the temple...Mysterion..."

"Yes." Mr. Tweak didn't seem the least bit upset. "I wish he had stuck around but I suppose he was in a hurry."

"In a hurry?" Craig stared in disbelief at the man; this was nothing like the compassion he had shown earlier.

Mr. Tweak nodded and looked at the three demigods who hadn't been there. "Mysterion chased after the human guards as they fled the temple. He said he had his own way back to South Park."

"What?" Craig was thoroughly confused. What on earth was Mr. Tweak talking about?

Before they could go any further, Nico moaned slightly, trying to sit up. Will carefully helped him sit up and Mrs. Tweak gave him some water. With a final baffled looked at Mr. Tweak, Craig took Tweek aside.

"Are you ok, honey?"

Tweek nodded. "They gave me vegetables and potatoes and stuff to eat, so at least I didn't starve. I spent most of my time meditating." He offered a nervous smile. "I knew you would come for me."

"Always." Craig rubbed his hand soothingly. "I meant about Mysterion though, you know it wasn't your fault, right?"

Tweek nodded. "Sure. I wish I had gotten a chance to thank him first, but I'll do that when we get back to South Park."

"What?" Craig stared at his boyfriend.

"Ok everybody, listen up." Will interrupted. "Nico's had some water and rest now and he's feeling better. We're going to try to shadow travel back to South Park, and then I'm putting him in bed for a few days." He looked pointedly at Nico when he said the last bit.

"Keep it PG, Will. There are kids here." Richard reminded him. The demigods and Tweek all blushed in unison.

"That's not what I meant!" Will protested.

Ignoring them, his face still flushed, Nico carefully rose up, staggering slightly; Will helped him to his feet, studying him carefully. "All right, everybody hold hands." The group gathered their things and gripped their hands together, Nico facing outward from the circle. As one, they moved into the shadow of the statue.

Craig didn't like shadow travelling any more the second time. Tweek was having a panic attack as they emerged and he focused on calming the blond boy down, noting vaguely as they did that they had returned to his backyard as they came out of the shadow of the house.

Nico couldn't even speak this time; his knees buckled and gave way, and he slumped over with a small moan. Will caught him in an instant, and Jason stepped forward and picked him up bridal style. Together they entered the kitchen through the sliding glass door. 

"Mom, Dad, I'm home!" Craig called out. Both his parents hurried into the kitchen, Tricia following closely behind them; all three stared in surprise at Nico in Jason's arms, causing Jason to blush again.

Craig's mom recovered first and hurried forward, looking concerned, but Will shook his head. "He'll be fine, he just needs to sleep." Nodding, she started past him, then stopped and looked at his face. 

"Why does he have a mustache?" She asked.

Everybody pointed to Percy, who smiled guiltily. With a shrug Craig's mom dropped to her knees and hugged Craig and Tweek tightly; Craig's dad didn't hug them, but put a hand on each of their shoulders affectionately.

"Welcome back honey." Craig's mom said softly to Tweek. Craig's dad patted his shoulder uncertainly.

"We should get Nico back to the hotel." Jason said. "Can somebody drive us to get our rental car?" 

Craig's dad hesitated, then held out his keys to Mr. Tweak. "Can you drive them to their car? You can drop the truck off later or tomorrow."

Mr. Tweak took the keys gratefully. Tweek pulled away and looked at Craig. "Can I call you later?"

"For sure." Craig agreed.

Annabeth stopped and knelt by Craig. "Craig, we'll talk to you later, all right?"

Craig nodded. He had other issues to deal with first. Amongst other things, he was still wearing the backpack from Inti and it weighed a ton.

As the demigods gathered by the door, he turned to the Tweaks. "By the way, what was that Mysterion stuff all about?"

"What?" Mrs. Tweak looked genuinely confused.

"Talking like he just-"

"Craig, why don't you talk to them later?." His dad interrupted. 

Mr. Tweak nodded. "We'll drop these people off, head back home, then go to the coffee shop to clean up. Craig, can you come by the shop tomorrow so we can have a little chat?"

"Ok." Craig agreed flatly. He hesitated, then reached out and took Tweek's hands. They offered each other a small smile, then nodded.

"Bye Craig."

"Bye honey."

As soon as they were alone Craig's parents wrapped him in a hug. 

"I met him at the end. Inti."

"Who?" His dad asked.

"He's Craig's biological father." Laura sounded stunned.

To his credit, his dad didn't appear at all jealous or angry, just a bit unsettled. "What was he like?" His dad asked curiously. "Was he cooler than me?"

"No way." Craig answered, then considered the strange meeting. "He was a lot like Mr. Tweak, actually." His dad's eyebrows raised. "Except he was seriously ripped. He asked me to give you his regards, mom. I told him to come himself but he couldn't do it for some stupid reason. He also gave me this for you." He held out the backpack.

His mom took it in surprise. "My old hiking bag! I lost this years ago; I can't believe he found it." She opened it and her eyes widened. His dad stared in shock at the money, then looked at Craig.

"Where on earth did this all COME from?!" Thomas asked in wonder.

Craig shrugged. "I asked for help repairing the house and getting new furniture. Inti got it from somewhere and gave it to me."

Laura suddenly snapped her fingers. "I was JUST reading this..." she muttered, pulling her phone out and typing. "Where did I see that...Aha!" She turned her phone around.

Craig and Thomas stared at the headline on CNN: "Major Cartel Banker Believed Murdered After Money Disappears".

Craig approached the coffee shop uncertainly. It had already reopened, and he could see Tweek through the window bustling around. He took a deep breath and opened the door.

"Hey dude."

"Hi Craig!" Tweek said excitedly, hurrying around from behind the counter.

"Hi Craig." Mr. Tweak said calmly. "Thank you for coming. I want to talk to you about..."

"CRAIG! TWEEK!" The door crashed open and Clyde barreled into the shop, followed closely by Token and Jimmy. The five boys immediately ended up in a giant hug, everybody talking at once.

"Careful boys, there's stuff all over the floor!" Mrs. Tweak called out, smiling. Richard was hurriedly putting a table together for the boys.

"Are you guys OK? We went by your houses earlier and couldn't find you, and Craig's parents wouldn't tell us where you went!" Token sounded unusually upset.

"We're fine." Tweek said quicky. "I'm so happy you're OK too."

"It was crazy!" Clyde exclaimed. "Token and I were hanging out at the park when they attacked; his dad actually crashed into one with their BMW! We couldn't get back to their place so the four of us ran to my house and barricaded ourselves into my basement with my dad!"

Jimmy nodded. "My p-p-p-p-parents and I got into the fire truck and hid at the s-s-st-s-s---we hid at the fire staaaation."

As the other boys began sharing their stories, Craig said little; he was so relieved that his friends were all right he could barely speak. He glanced outside idly, watching people go by as if they hadn't been under attack from guinea creatures and man-eating horses a few days before. He had to give the town credit; they knew how to clean up after a disaster. His eyes flew over kids from school, instinctively skipping over Stan Marsh and the other losers, then suddenly snapping back to them. His breath caught in his throat.

The sight of an orange parka was unmistakable.

He stared in disbelief. His mouth opened and closed several times. Standing up quickly, he managed a frantic "Back in a second!" and raced away, leaving his friends staring at him as he shot out the door and raced up to the group. Grabbing the orange parka he hauled the boy backwards; the other three didn't even notice as they wandered off. Grabbing the hood he wrenched it off the boy’s face and stared. Finally he managed to croak out a single, "Kenny?"

"Hi Craig!" His normally muffled voice was high and perky. "How's it going? Welcome home!"

"How? What...wh...how?!" Craig demanded.

Kenny's head tilted. Something strange sparkled in his eye. Almost...hope? "How what?"

"You died!" Craig reached out and gripped his shoulder, trying to gauge if Kenny was real. "You killed yourself!"

"You remember? You really remember?!" Kenny's voice was filled with excitement.

"You stabbed yourself in front of me, of course I remember!" Craig snapped. He was thoroughly confused; why the fuck would Kenny think he'd forgotten something like that?

Kenny's face lit up. "Oh dude, I've died so many times! I've been shot, stabbed, strangled, eaten by animals, had my heart replaced by a potato, had a piano dropped on me...I've died 128 times now, and NOBODY. FUCKING. REMEMBERS!"

Craig stared open mouthed. "How do you...how? Just, how?"

Kenny shrugged, still grinning. "I just reappear at home and nobody remembers I've died."

Craig's head spun. Kenny's eyes were shining. "Thank you for remembering." He hugged Craig, ignoring the other boy’s protests, then turned to catch up to his friends.

"Wait." Craig called out. Kenny looked back. "Thank you. For...for helping rescue Tweek. If you want...you could hang out with us sometimes instead of going off with Stan and Kyle and those guys?"

Kenny grinned wider.

Craig reentered the coffee shop and rejoined his friends, trying to ignore the fact that they were all staring at him. With a resigned sigh he blurted out, "I found out that my dad isn't my dad. My biological dad's an Inca sun God. And he's kind of a douche."

"What?!" Token, Jimmy, and Clyde all exclaimed in unison.

Craig sighed resignedly. "Well, it turns out that the Guinea Creatures came here for me. When I got rid of them they kidnapped Tweek, so Mysterion and I went to Peru with some other guys, and got him back."

The guys stared openmouthed at him. Token recovered first. "Tweek...got kidnapped? And you...saved him because...you're the son of an Inca God?"

"Wow, holy sh-sh-sh-shit, Craig. You're t-t-t-t-you're tellllling us that you actually have other people that put up with you?" Jimmy teased.

Before anybody could ask another question Tweek brought out some fresh baking from that morning for them to snack on. Clyde almost lunged across the table and bit eagerly into a pastry.

"Oh. My. God. I love you Tweek. Seriously, dump Craig and marry me and cook for me forever. I'm flunking math but I can play football and my hair does this." Clyde shook his head, letting his shaggy brown hair dangle and move. 

Tweek giggled at his antics while Craig rolled his eyes fondly. "I'm happy with Craig. Besides, you're too straight for me." Tweek managed to say, still laughing.

"I can change! I can be...um...bicentennial?"

"Bisexual." Token corrected him.

"He could be right." Jimmy pointed out. "He might still be a virgin in 200 y-y-y-ears." Clyde reached over and flicked Jimmy's ear.

Finally Mr. Tweak came over to the table. "Ok guys, time to head out. It's 5:00 now and we're closing early today."

As they stood up and began pushing the chairs in, Mrs. Tweak caught Craig by the arm. "Craig, why don’t you stick around; I told your parents you could stay for dinner." 

Craig nodded passively as his friends said their goodbyes and disappeared. 

After they got back to the Tweak's house and had some weird vegan dinner that, despite Mr. Tweak's insistence that it was "just like real chicken", tasted like day old cafeteria food to Craig, Mr. Tweak surprised Craig by announcing they were having a family discussion including him. They all cleared the table then resumed their seats, Mr. and Mrs. Tweak on one side and Tweek and Craig on the other.

Mr. Tweak spoke first. "When we were in Peru, Craig said something very hurtful to me. I've arranged this meeting so we can all discuss it." Craig closed his eyes, silently wishing he had escaped with his friends back at the coffee shop as Mr. Tweak continued. "He said that I don't love you, Tweek, that you're just a worker at the coffee shop. Now, you know that's not true, right?"

Tweek's eyes widened. "Oh Jesus...yeah, but..."

"But what?" Mrs. Tweak asked anxiously. Mr. Tweak leaned forward.

Tweek hesitated; then it all came out as he stared helplessly at his dad. "It seems sometimes like you care more about the coffee shop! I have to work there all the time, you talk about my having a boyfriend as 'good for business' and you sell those awful 'Rainbow Creek' things...even at home everything's about the 'family business'! You joke about selling me into slavery, you told me about those horrible 'underpants gnomes'! I‘ve been having nightmares about them for years!"

Mrs. Tweak gave her husband a firm look; she almost seemed to say "I told you so" without speaking. Her husband looked stunned at Tweek's outburst and looked at her, his face flushing; it was obvious that he had never expected Tweek to take him seriously.

Mr. Tweak took his son’s small hand. "Tweek, I love you. I would never want to get rid of you; I was just teasing you about the slavery thing. The underpants gnomes were a joke, too! Remember when you were 5 and always asked me where your clothes went when you took them off? I put clean clothes in your dresser and laundry in the hamper, but I teased you about the gnomes to get you to clean up after yourself. I didn't think you actually believed me, or that you’d wind up being afraid of them! I guess I just thought that was a silly joke we shared. I'm sorry, son, I didn't think you actually took me seriously."

Mrs. Tweak spoke next, catching Tweek's attention. "As for the constant 'family business' talk...your father and I are very proud of the fact that we worked hard and opened our own business. This has been our dream for a long time. When you came around this truly became 'the family business'. We included you so that you always knew: no matter what happened to you, you always had a job waiting and a place to come home to if you needed it. Besides, we wanted you to know the business in case you want to open up your own shop someday, or else take over Tweak Bros when we get old."

Mr. Tweak nodded. "I enjoy having you there, Tweek, but if you really don't want to work in the shop anymore...we can take you off the schedule and you can do chores at home instead, when you're not with your friends."

Tweek looked completely stunned. Craig looked back and forth between them, then suddenly blurted out, "Do you really put meth in the coffee?"

"No." Mr. Tweak was unusually clear and direct with his answer.

"Of course not." Mrs. Tweak said calmly. "That's just a stupid rumor that went around. I think it was that awful Cartman boy. We donate used coffee grounds for compost and he saw us delivering some to the less fortunate one time, and after we got Tweek away from him and his group, he started taunting Tweek with that in revenge."

That made a depressing amount of sense. Craig frowned; it still bothered him. The Tweaks were so defensive about their "secret ingredient" whenever somebody asked that it had been a common guessing game amongst the boys over what it really was; meth and nicotine were the common choices, followed by heroin.

Craig looked back and forth between them; then finally spoke. "So what's this secret ingredient then, if it's not meth?"

The Tweaks exchanged looks and reluctantly nodded to each other. Mr. Tweak leaned forward. "You can't tell anybody, all right?" Craig nodded. "Ever since we opened the coffee shop, we've had...mixed reactions to our coffee. We thought we were onto a great idea by only using local ingredients, but there's a bitter taste to it that sugar can't mask. We knew we needed it to be better, so we brew our own coffee, then we add..." he looked down at the table, completely ashamed, and took a deep breath. "...we add instant coffee."

Craig stared at him. "What?"

"We add some instant coffee. It gives a more powerful and unique flavor and a greater caffeine kick, so our product is unique and delicious."

"The secret ingredient in your coffee is...coffee?"

"Don't tell anybody." Mrs. Tweak asked him softly.

Craig stared in disbelief at the Tweaks. Tweek suddenly spoke up. "If you mean it...if you really love me and care about me..." Both his parents turned to him. "PLEASE! PLEASE! PLEASE STOP SELLING THE RAINBOW CREEKS! THEY'RE HUMILIATING!!"

The Tweaks exchanged glances. "Does it really bother you that much?" Mrs. Tweak asked. Miserably, Tweek nodded. 

Mr. Tweak sighed. "The problem is it's a really popular item. All the money from them goes straight into your college fund and to help you get started later in life.

Tweek almost pulled out his hair; reflexively both Craig and Mr. Tweak reached out and each of them took one of his hands. "GAH!! I don't care about that! Oh Jesus, I-GAH!-it's too humiliating!"

Mrs. Tweak considered. "How about this? We could still sell the cake and the peppermint coffee, but we'll sell them separately as 'Pride Cake' and 'Pride Coffee' and we'll offer a deal on 'Rainbow Cream Combos'?"

Tweek hesitated, then nodded.

"What about our other question?" Mr. Tweak asked. "Do you want to have more chores at home or do you want to work with us at the shop?"

"I want to work there." Tweek's answer surprised Craig.

"Excellent!" Mr. Tweek sounded considerably more cheerful. Mrs. Tweak seemed happier, and Tweek looked considerably brighter. "Are you happy now too, Craig?"

"Do you see where we're coming from?" Mrs. Tweak asked him gently.

Craig nodded weakly, not knowing what to say. 

"Great! Now, let's all have a group meditation to wrap this up!"

Before Craig could say anything the Tweaks got up and Tweek grabbed his hand, pulling him to the center of the living room. Mrs. Tweak went behind the counter and emerged with a candle. Craig's eyes widened. "Umm...."

"No no, save it for the meditation!" Mr. Tweak said happily, going into a closet and pulling out a large purple rug. While he unrolled it, Mrs. Tweak put the candle down in the center and lit it, then placed several crystals around it; they caught the light in strange ways.  
  
"Sit with me, Craig!" Tweek said eagerly, sitting down cross-legged. Reluctantly, Craig sat next to him; he didn't usually sit like this and while he could do it he was really uncomfortable; his pants were tight on him like that.

"How long is this going to take?" Craig asked uncertainly.

"About half an hour. Then we'll be done and have some coffee before we take you home." Mrs. Tweak said calmly as she and Mr. Tweak sat down as well; together they all formed a loose circle.

Craig's mind raced. There was a bag of flour in the pantry; if he was quiet enough he could put that next to Tweek, put his hat on top, and nobody would ever know. He mentally calculated it; if he put a timer for 25 minutes on his phone and silenced it he could slip away and take a nap or something and let them do whatever weird thing they thought was fun. But before he could act on it, Tweek took his hand and smiled at him. "Thanks for doing this with us, Craig."

Craig silently cursed the fact that he couldn't say no to the smaller boy. "Ok."

Mrs. Tweak took his other hand while Mr. Tweak took her hand and Tweek's, then began chanting. "Om Mani Padme Hum... Liberica...Robusta...Arabica...Om Mani Padme Hum...."

As Nico slept and Will looked after him, the other demigods met in an adjoining room to talk over everything.

"I've been in touch with Chiron." Percy reported. "He wants us back at camp, and he definitely wants to meet Craig if we can convince him to come."

"Maybe he’ll agree to come in the summer." Annabeth suggested. "We'll talk it over with him in the morning."

"How did Chiron react when you told him the Inca gods were having kids?" Jason asked suddenly.

"He was really surprised; apparently the Inca haven't been heard from in centuries. Right now he's thinking he can put Craig as an ambassador, the same way Nico was at Camp Jupiter, and we can set up an Inti cabin. Unless he wants to stay with the Hermes kids."

Will entered from the next room and everybody looked up. "How's Nico?" Percy asked anxiously.

"He'll be fine." The others visibly relaxed as Will continued. "He sort of woke up for a minute, drank some water, then fell asleep again. It's the best thing for him at this point."

  
It was several hours before Nico finally stirred again and fully woke up. Will was dozing in a chair next to the bed but he hurried forward quickly as the other boy tried to sit up.

"Here, have some more water." He handed a cold bottle of water to Nico, who gulped it down desperately.

After a moment, Nico managed to ask, "Where are the others?"

"They got an adjoining room. I wouldn't let them disturb you." Will gestured to where the door between the hotel rooms was closed. "I shut the door to give you some peace and quiet."  
  
Nico nodded and rose, staggering slightly. "I need to...ummm..." he trailed off and headed for the washroom. Will waited a few minutes, then opened the door and went into the other room; Percy and Annabeth were laying on top of one of the beds talking, while Jason was face-down on the other bed reading.

"Nico's awake. He's in the washroom."

Jason raised one eyebrow. "Did you wash his face?"

"Nope." Will grinned at Percy. Instantly, Percy rolled over and put his shoes on. Everybody waited breathlessly...

"PERCY!"

Percy shot from the room, laughing madly as Nico chased after him. Nico's handlebar mustache was still prominent as he chased Percy through the hotel, Jason trying to follow behind them. Finally Percy managed to hide behind Annabeth as Nico grabbed at him.


	12. Shoes, Coffee, and a Brand New Dessert

The sun streamed onto Kenny's head through his cracked window. He rolled over on the thin mattress, trying to stay asleep; unfortunately he misjudged his position and ended up on the cold, hard floor with a groan. At least it wasn't a long fall.

Giving up, he pulled himself to his feet and stretched, then grabbed his cheap digital watch off the floor and checked the time. Yawning, he stood there in his underwear, considering the few clothes he had. Most of them weren't too dirty yet, he could get a few more wears out of them. After a long moment, he said "The hell with it" out loud and grabbed his orange parka and snowpants, pulling them on without even bothering to get dressed underneath. He instinctively reached for his shoes before remembering they had been melted by giant spider acid and were back in Peru. Gritting his teeth, he went into the house and grabbed Kevin's filthy shoes; they smelled bad, but at least they would mostly cover his feet. He noted sourly that there was a hole in the side, so he had to be careful not to step in any puddles.

When he was ready to go, he took the money Nico had given him and headed out. He was planning to use most of it for a cheap pair of thrift store shoes, and maybe buy some things for Karen too, but on a whim, he decided to treat himself to breakfast from Tweak Bros.; maybe whatever drug they put in their coffee would perk him up. 

Kenny made his way in just after they opened, studying the pastry case uncertainly, when suddenly a flurry of movement caught his eye. The next thing he knew the Tweaks were wrapping him up in a hug.

"Hi Kenny!" Tweek said excitedly.

"Thank you for helping save Tweek!" Mrs. Tweak said warmly.

Kenny blinked. 

"We owe you so much." Mr. Tweak agreed. "If you ever need help aligning your chakras or want to get in on a group meditation, let us know."

Kenny froze. They couldn't know, could they? How did they figure it out?

"I don't know if you realized it, but just before you chased the guards out you shouted 'for Inti' in your real voice instead of your Mysterion voice. After you ran off we were worried, but we should have known you had your own special way home." Mr. Tweak told him fondly, pushing the hood of his parka down and mussing Kenny’s hair. 

Kenny silently cursed himself for slipping up like that. It also stung knowing that even after knowing his secret they didn't remember his latest death. Still, at least Craig knew; that was more than he'd hoped for. Finally, the Tweaks released him. "Please don't tell people." He pled. His friends knew, but nobody else did.

"We won't, scouts honor." Mr. Tweak said, saluting.

"Did you want something to eat?" Mrs. Tweak asked him, seeming to realize for the first time that he had been looking at the pastries.

"Yeah." Kenny pulled a $20 bill out, carefully calculating in his head. "Umm...can I please get a coffee and a bagel?"

"Put your money away." Mr. Tweak ordered him. "Sit down; we owe you too much for that."

Kenny wanted to put up more of a fight, but he was too hungry to make a big deal out of it. Plus he realized that if he didn't have to pay here that was more money he could spend on shoes and on things for Karen. He obediently sat, and the next thing he knew they had put a bottle of orange juice in front of him, along with a bagel and a small tub of cream cheese and a fried egg on an English muffin. Tweek had even put some type of sauce on the muffin to make it look like a smile.

"No, really, I can't..." he started.

"Yes you can." Richard said brightly, adding a croissant and some fruit. "If you don't eat it all, you can take the leftovers home with you."

Kenny really did want to turn it down, but his stomach rumbled; unwittingly the single toaster waffle he had eaten yesterday came into his head. Abandoning ceremony, he began eating eagerly. 

"Tweek, can you go look in the back and get that other box?" Mrs. Tweak asked. Tweek disappeared into the storeroom. Kenny frowned after him; Tweek looked different somehow. He shrugged and kept eating.

As he ate, enjoying the delicious food, he glanced at the Tweaks. "Did you do something different with your hair?" He asked Mrs. Tweak between bites.

"No." She smiled at him. "Just letting it grow out."

Kenny's eyes flipped back and forth between them. Her hair was definitely longer than it had been a few days ago, and Mr. Tweak seemed...bulkier, somehow. Something was definitely going on. Oh well, he didn’t get served a feast like this every day. Shrugging, he went back to eating. It wasn't his problem.

As he finished eating and stashed some of the food in various pockets for Karen, Tweek returned holding a rectangular box and hurried towards Kenny. "I hope it's all right sweetie, we got you a present." Mrs. Tweak said kindly, following her son.

"And a card!" Tweek said excitedly.

Kenny took the box in surprise. "You really didn't have to do this." He felt incredibly guilty; they didn't need to shower him in presents and gratitude. He didn't help Tweek to get rewarded, after all; he was Mysterion because someone had to do the right thing.

"We wanted to." Mr. Tweak said calmly. "It's our way of saying thanks."

Hesitantly Kenny opened the card first; it had a picture of a coffee on it and read "Thanks a Latte!" Smiling, he opened the card and found a drawing of Mysterion punching a guinea pirate; below that Tweek's messy scribbles read "Thank you for saving me!" Looking up at Tweek with a smile, Kenny patted the boy's arm and put the card in his pocket.

Next Kenny opened the box, feeling self-conscious that they were all watching him. At least the Tweaks were the only ones in the store. He pulled the top of the lid off...and stared.

There was a brand new pair of sneakers inside, new white Adidas that had never been worn before. Trembling, Kenny reached out and touched them, feeling overwhelmed.

"We felt that we owed you new shoes since your old ones got wrecked in Peru." Mrs. Tweak said softly. Kenny couldn't answer her; he fought to keep from crying with emotion.

With understanding smiles, the Tweaks stepped back behind the counter, letting him recover. Tweek began refilling the napkin stations, glancing back at Kenny but keeping his distance.

Craig sat on the burned couch, his parents on either side of him. The demigods sat across from them on kitchen chairs.

Jason looked like he was about to speak, but Craig beat him to it. "What's this camp you talked about?"

"Camp Half-blood." Percy answered. "It's a place for the children of Greek Gods and Goddesses to learn to use their powers in safety. You'd be trained in how to fight with weapons like swords and spears, and you'll learn archery and be trained in how to use your powers more effectively. The best part is that you'll be surrounded by kids going through the same things as you, so you won't feel so alone."

"Inti isn't Greek." Craig's mom pointed out.

"No." Agreed Annabeth. "At this point there are no children of the Inca Gods left; Craig is the first one in centuries. Since there's no appropriate training ground in South America, the Greeks have invited Craig to join us."

"Does that happen often?" Craig's dad asked. "Other Gods joining with the Greeks?"

"It didn't for a long time. I'm the son of Jupiter, for example; he's a Roman God. We have our own camp and for a long time neither camp knew of the other,“ Jason explained. ”But now we're becoming friendlier and visiting each other." 

Craig's parents still looked lost, but Craig leaned forward. "How would it work? I have school, my friends...what if those things come back?"

"Certain campers stay for the entire year, but a lot of us stay with our families and only go back in the summer." Percy responded. 

"You should be safe enough staying in South Park the rest of the year, especially with Mysterion around to help out. I don't think the guinea creatures will come back; you completely destroyed them in Peru." Annabeth's voice was reassuring. "If they return they'll stay in that temple, and if they do come back you'll have an army behind you to help deal with them."

Craig was distracted by something she had said in the middle of that sentence. "I saw him yesterday. Mysterion. He's alive; he stabbed himself in front of me, he died and his body was disintegrated!" The other demigods nodded, but he wasn't finished. "When I talk to him he told me he keeps dying and nobody remembers. Why do I remember now?"

"What?!" Both his parents asked in unison, staring at him. Craig internally winced; he hadn't meant to tell them that.

"We'll talk about it later." Craig promised.

The demigods exchanged looks, then Percy spoke again. "Most mortals can't see our world, or forget it afterwards when they do catch a glimpse of it. Now that you're embracing your powers, you can see through it too. That’s why you'll remember those things when other people don't."

Craig didn't know what to think. His parents each squeezed one of his shoulders. "It's your decision, Craig." His mom told him. "If you want to go we'll send you, but nobody's going to force you to do anything."

"How much is this going to cost?" Craig's dad asked. "Do we need to buy him anything special?"

"It's totally free for demigods, but there is a camp store there with clothes and other essentials if he has any money; he can also borrow or earn money at camp."

Annabeth pulled out a golden coin and handed it to him. "Keep this safe. If you decide you want to come or if you just want to talk to us, find a rainbow and throw this in, then say 'Goddess, accept my offering' and say one of our names. You can reach us anytime. Otherwise, the camp will be in touch in the spring to see if you're coming."

Craig took the coin carefully. As the demigods rose, he suddenly blurted out "Wait." All five of them turned to look at him instead. He took a deep breath. "Thank you. For helping me save Tweek, and...for everything."

"You're welcome." Will told him. Nico nodded and Craig nodded back at him. He felt a rush of gratitude and affection; Nico had helped him far more than he could ever admit.

They had finished their job, but all five demigods agreed that it wasn't right to leave without saying goodbye to the Tweaks so they went to the coffee shop as their final stop. As they came in, some kid in an orange parka was at the counter, taking a plate and cup on a tray.

"Ah, welcome!" Richard said brightly as they approached. The kid at the counter turned to face them and nodded; they stared in surprise at the items he was holding: a steaming mug of something hidden beneath purple whipped cream, and a cupcake with purple icing. Both the drink and the cupcake had a green question mark drawn on top.

"Those are the newest additions to our menu." Richard told them in his usual dreamy tone. "Our local hero Mysterion saved our son, so we honored him with a special dessert. Hot chocolate, made with dark chocolate, covered with locally sourced purple cream and green icing. It's sweet, bitter, with our mystery secret ingredient for an extra punch. We've added a cupcake, mystery flavored and dyed green, with purple and green frosting; freshly made by local bakers. Sweet, with a hint of bitterness. Dark and mysterious, but daring and bold. We call it the Mystery-on-a-plate."

Percy instantly bit his tongue, fighting to keep from laughing.

Will already had his phone out. "We'll take 5!" He announced eagerly. "Austin and Kayla are going to be sooooo jealous when this goes on Instagram!"

"Excellent!" Mr. Tweak said brightly. "No charge; you saved our son's life, we owe you more than we can ever repay."

Percy didn't answer; now that he was under control again, his eyes were narrowed as he studied the family behind the counter. It was definitely the Tweaks, but there was something...off...about them. He couldn't put his finger on it.

Mrs. Tweak smiled brightly as she bustled around preparing their food. Richard turned to wash cups at the sink; he badly needed a haircut and seemed more filled out somehow...not fat, but fitter, slightly more muscular. Tweek was busy decorating the cupcakes, but something in the way he stood...Percy shook his head. Maybe they had started working out?

Sitting down at a table not far from the kid with the orange parka, the demigods dug in eagerly. The cupcake turned out to be orange flavored, while the hot chocolate was sweet with a hint of bitterness; it was really good. 

"Did you like them?" Came a muffled voice. They looked all together at the kid; his orange hood wrapped around his face completely, muffling his voice and making him harder to understand. Percy wondered how he even ate like that.

"Yeah, they were good." Percy said kindly. The boy's eyes twinkled. Was there something familiar about him? "Hey, do you know Mysterion?"

The boy laughed inside his parka. "We've met."

"Actually, Kenny here..." Started Richard, only to flinch as Helen shifted; Percy could swear she just kicked him.

"Kenny what?" Nico asked.

Richard cleared his throat. "Kenny here was saved by Mysterion more than once. Mysterion's saved the entire town by now, so most of us have seen him a few times. He's quite the hero."

"He is that." Will agreed, thinking back to the strange boy they had met. "Do you have any idea who he really is?"

"He is Mysterion, and Mysterion is him." Richard answered dreamily.

"What?" Annabeth asked.

"It's a line from The Hobbit; Gandalf says it to Bilbo. I think it suits Mysterion though." Helen said softly.

The demigods finished their food. "It was nice meeting you."

"Thank you for saving Tweek." Richard said kindly. "We're trying to come up with a demigod coffee now. Feel free to come by anytime, and we'll set you right up."

"Thanks." Percy said awkwardly.

"Oh! I got you a card!" Tweek said suddenly. He rushed around the counter for a moment, then came back with an envelope and held it out. 

Percy took it and the demigods gathered around while he pulled it out. To their surprise it read "Just to espresso my gratitude!" next to a mug with a heart on it. Opening it, they found a drawing of the five of them around a guinea pig and really messy writing that they struggled to make out.

"It says 'Thank you for saving me!'" Tweek told them. He suddenly squawked. "Aaaack! It's too messy! I ruined it, this is way too much pressure!" 

"No, not at all," Will said quickly and reassuringly; Percy recognized it as his "doctor" voice when he was reassuring patients. "We just have dyslexia, it's hard to read sometimes. Thank you so much, Tweek!"

"Yeah thank you!" Percy said brightly. 

"I'm glad we got you to safety." Jason told him.

"For sure." Nico agreed quietly.

"It was so nice to meet you all!" Annabeth told them.

As they said their goodbyes and started out on the road, Percy looked back in the review mirror. The town again looked like it only had one street. Finally Annabeth spoke.

"That place was really weird."

Slowly life went back to normal over the next few weeks. Craig made sure to see Tweek every day; when he didn't go to the coffee shop one was at the other's house for a sleepover or to play video games. Token, Clyde and Jimmy all joined them frequently. Tweek was settling back in as though he'd never gone to Peru; Craig found himself watching the other boy more carefully than usual.

Tweek had changed somehow since his return. He seemed a bit more confident, a bit stronger; at one point he had actually managed to pick Clyde up a few inches off the ground. Craig was proud of him, although he couldn't quite figure out what was going on.

He sat on the Tweak's couch watching as Token and Jimmy battled it out in Mortal Kombat, Clyde eagerly shouting commentary as Liu Kang and Sub Zero pummeled each other. Tweek sat next to him and they held hands, just enjoying each other's company. Mr. and Mrs. Tweak were popping in to check on them once in a while but otherwise just meditating or something weird like that.

Tweek sipped his coffee and gripped Craig's hand tighter as Jimmy had Sub Zero rip out Liu Kang's heart, turn it into an icicle, then stabbed him in the head, and followed it up by freezing Liu Kang and shattering the top half of his body. Laughing, Token passed his controller to Clyde and they changed spots.

Tweek took another sip of his coffee and sighed happily. "New blend?" Craig asked curiously.

"Yeah.” Tweek answered. "Dad found these huge beans in Peru and brought one home, so we're trying out new flavours with it."

"Cool." Craig nodded indifferently. "So that's the one he found in Land of the Giants Lost World?"

"Yeah. It's pretty good, but we've almost used it up now."

"Land of the Giants Lost World?" Token asked, looking back at them.

"Yeah, it's this weird area of Peru that has huge bugs and stuff in it." Craig explained distractedly, studying Tweek; something was bugging him. He felt like he had forgotten something very important but he couldn't figure out what. "I told you about that last time those morons got me sent to Peru. Remember? A giant bee ate the soldier?"

"How did they get so big?" Clyde asked eagerly.

Craig shrugged. "Mr. Tweak thinks it's because of the..." he stopped right in the middle of his sentence as everything clicked into place.

"What?" Clyde asked.

Craig ignored him, staring at Tweek intently. No. Way. Tweek smiled sheepishly.

"What?" Token asked.

"Seriously guys, w-w-w-what iiiis it?" Jimmy demanded.

Craig didn't answer. Instead he slowly, reluctantly stood up, then reached down, took Tweek's mug and put it aside, and pulled his boyfriend up as well. He stood toe to toe with Tweek and stared him in the eye.

Stared UP at him. Tweek was somehow, impossibly, taller than him.

As his friends caught on and erupted in laughter, Craig dimly heard Clyde calling him "shorty" but couldn't answer. Tweek's smile shook, and he tentatively put his arm over Craig's shoulder the way Craig always did to him. 

Craig reached up and patted his boyfriend's hand, sighing resignedly. "I HATE Peru." He muttered.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'd like to give a great big thanks to Thistlepaw, who was a valuable editor and reader; without her, this story would never have been done. Thank you to everybody who's commented and left kudos, I appreciated every single one!


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